Despite all of our advancements, black women still face incredible obstacles when it comes to complexion. The color complex that has plagued us since the days of slavery still thrives in the 21st century, prohibiting that unity and sisterhood which is such a founding block of African culture.
Bill Duke has directed a new documentary named ‘Dark Girls’ which brings to light the prejudice that some darker skinned women have faced as a result of their complexion. The stories are heartbreaking and astonishing to hear in 2011, showing us that racism and colorism have not changed and unfortunately are still alive and well.
In one of the most touching interviews, a young black woman said, “I used to wish I could wake up one day lighter. Or wash my face and think that it would change. I thought it was dirt and I tried to clean it off, but it wouldn’t come off.” A little black girl was asked to pick out the ugly and stupid girls out of a selection of girls from white to black and she picked the darkest. Another woman also discussed the idea that her friend rejoiced upon seeing that her baby had not turned out to have a darker complexion. All of these stories are just sad cases of the constant prejudice and hardships that black women suffer due to their complexion in a day and age when our president is black and when we hold esteemed positions at hugely successful companies all around the world.
One story that resonated with me particularly was a young black girl discussing the natural hair and her opinion being that it was “dirty and nappy”. Having natural hair and wearing it out has often lead to stares and comments in my personal life and even the question of, “So how long is this going to last?” as if wearing my hair the way it naturally grows from my scalp is something that I shouldn’t embrace. Black power fists have been thrown up and all kinds of ridiculous other things, just showing that even the idea of “going natural” is still met with skepticism instead of treated as just a personal hair preference.
See the documentary trailer below.
What do you think of the new ‘Dark Girls’ documentary? Will you be seeing it? Why is the color complex still an issue? What can we do to change it?
-Faith Cummings
Photo Credit: Seth Sabal
Yo, I hate to rain on the parade but seriously black women need to stop telling these LIES about SUPER DUPER SUCCESSFUL BLACK WOMEN as though
1) it has anything to do with the piece
2) as if 90% of black women are ballin out of control and in super successful careers – WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THESE BLACK FEMALE NARCISSISM? Then when black women come across brothas who are on that same level or surpassing them – their claim is HE’S ARROGANT.
When the argument is about BEAUTY – it’s about BEAUTY!!!
Ur degree’s do not make up for how FINE U MAY NOT BE! So why bring them up, even in a world THAT WAS NOT INFLUENCED BY WHITE DOMINATED SOCIETY!!!
UR DEGREES OR LEVEL OF EDUCATION/STATUS/CAREER HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW U LOOK!
DAMN
” All of these stories are just sad cases of the constant prejudice and hardships that black women suffer due to their complexion in a day and age when our president is black and when we hold esteemed positions at hugely successful companies all around the world.”
Michele Obama was making $327,000 a year.
90% of black women can’t even name a black woman making that much money! Let’s be REAL – GET BACK TO THE TOPIC.
An education does not compensate FOR A WOMAN’S LOOKS
just like and education does not compensate for a BLACK MAN’S SWAG.
I gotta agree with you 100% that your degree does not influence how you look on the outside but I want to make this point…..
A girl could be as pretty as ever, if she is talkin shit I walk the other way!
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. It might be purely physical in your opinion…..but
For me what makes a woman beautiful is her appearance, her mind and also her attitude. If one of these is off she aint cuttn it.
#jus sayn
SAAARRRGGGEEE! I MISS YOUUUU -cries.
rs27 – i co-sign that
Another point – how many African American women who are dark skin look even remotely like the black model who is featured for this piece?
I mean seriously, I get tired of sistas always wanting to represent big plus sized women like that’s whats in. But whenever they want to challenge white beauty – they flock to the “WHITE WOMAN DIPPED IN CHOCOLATE” or a black woman that has white woman aesthetics or white woman size – SIZE 0 – but dark a brotha even look at a sista like that – she ain’t black enough or is too skinny. “she ain’t got no ass”
Ya’ll know damn well that chick up there being featured ain’t got NO ASS! Yet to challenge the white standard of beauty we are going to throw her up there.
By all means she is fine. But couple months ago – Black women were Raving about Gabby Sidebe being on the cover of a few magazines like it was a good look for black women.
Now that we’re fighting the white standard of beauty – we go out and try to find the most comparable black woman that we can fine – She’s essentially exactly what the white standard of beauty defines as BEAUTIFUL – except that she’s just DAKR SKINNED.
Yet she doesn’t represent in the slightest most African American Women – Please explain that.
I understand that all beauty standards are not going to represent the majority of people – I’m just trying to understand how throwing up this slim black French Runway looking model – Helps prove that “AFRICAN AMERICAN DARK SKIN WOMEN” are equally as fine in the same CONTEXT with they are not.
Please someone elaborate.
sarge why do bw always have to be a 10 in order to be attractive not every ww looks like angelina jolie, natalie portman or jesica simpson you knowe so dont expect every bw to look like kelly rowland
or lauryn hill. White men think britney spears is gorgous and she is one of the most average looking ww ive ever seen! I think her black equivalent is estelle (british singer) but i dont see bm all lusting over her lol! You pointed to the black model on the top page but there were plenty of girls in the video who were really attractive admittedly they werent as pretty as the model but that’s because they AREN’T models! Most women of ALL RACES are average looking most men understand this and still see their attractiveness but bm like you constantly have higher and unrealistic expectations for bw.
BLACK WOMEN dont’ always have to be a ten – BUT IF U AS A BLACK WOMAN are going to THROW A WHOLE GROUP/RACE OF MEN UNDER THE BUS – by saying THEY DON’T PREFER THEIR OWN WOMEN.
1) Have the evidence to back it up – which the numbers currently do not support!
2) MAKE SURE THAT ALL UR STUFF IS IN ORDER.
We got 180lbs plus women – blaming their single status on DARK SKIN!
It would be one thing if most of these chicks were no their A game – not just 1 out of 10 like what we saw in the trailer of the documentary.
Would u care to go back and count how many women were overweight. One of the issue I had was that many of the women were past their prime. It was somewhat difficult to assess how they looked when they were 22 or 25.
The other issue that I have is whenever the conversation comes up – women always want to point to the black man.
But when u listen to these women’s stories – a more significant portion of their issue with their own dark skin came from – OTHER WOMEN, or girls as a child, and/or FAMILY. Being treated differently as the darker child.
A black boy that rejects u in middle school ain’t got nothing to do with that – even if he is with a lighter girl.
Every form of rejection black women can not always automatically revert back to DARK SKIN – and they constantly do.
Look around at the women who complain.
Whoopi, Sherri Shepard, Monique, Jill Scott.
I’m like come ON!
It would be one thing if Nia Long was complaining, or Kendra Moore, or Kelly Rowland.
I mean how come I see this, but many of you women don’t. All I gotta do is bust out a list of the COMPLAINT FILERS.
I am one the Dark Girls, and in 57 years I have never had this problem. I do know that some in the Black community are “color struck,” meaning having a bias against dark-skinned people, however my thing is, that’s their problem, not mine. My response when asked if my color bothers me was, “I don’t know what color I am ’cause I don’t stand in the mirror & worry about it. Whatever color I am I will be until I die, it’s not going to change, so I don’t waste time worrying about it.” As long as you know who you are, what other people think should not define how you feel about yourself.
Truth is the light, I understand the facts of the dark skinned views, becaue I am dark skinned and beauty was and is defined by the color of your skin But fear plays a part to becaue women with darker skin are truely more beautiful. But you have to be born dark skin which is a gift from God and we are a minority and can’t be copyed so society says
let’s make them feel less attractive so we will not feel threaten by their beauty and the rest is history.
“Truth is the light, I understand the facts of the dark skinned views, becaue I am dark skinned and beauty was and is defined by the color of your skin But fear plays a part to becaue women with darker skin are truely more beautiful. But you have to be born dark skin which is a gift from God and we are a minority and can’t be copyed so society says
let’s make them feel less attractive so we will not feel threaten by their beauty and the rest is history.”
I hate statements like this – because if it was the opposite and a white woman was saying it – no one would like it – So lets get off the stroking.
I don’t believe in countering WHITE SUPREMACY with BLACK SUPREMACY – besides the fact that there is every indication in the world that WHITES ARE WINNING – so it’s just a foolish attempt to build self esteem with WORDS ALONE.
I hate a problem with that.
I think this film is timely and I will be seeing and encouraging my three daughters to see it.
As a 54 year old Black women, I have to say this issue is as prevalent now, as it was when I was growing during the Civil Rights Movement. Black women still want to “look white.” Most are on a hopeless treadmill attempting to be someone else instead of being content with who they are. For this reason, too often, women settle for the scrap that man and society throws their way. Because, after all, they aren’t worth that much anyway.
” Black women still want to “look white.” Most are on a hopeless treadmill attempting to be someone else instead of being content with who they are. For this reason, too often, women settle for the scrap that man and society throws their way. Because, after all, they aren’t worth that much anyway.”
I cosign. From what I’ve seen this holds true for many.
i am the girl from the video that said the comment about hair being nasty. I was not saying black hair was nasty I was stating that if you are natural you cannot wake up and come out without grooming your hair. Where is the part of the footage where I make a statement that I am natural and that I love my hair and I have grown to appreciate my hair. Yes I do wear weaves also but that is a personal choice. I love black hair I feel like their is nothing wrong with black hair. If you look closely my words were placed to make a point of the video. I love the documentary, but my words were placed out of context. I refuse for people to go round thinking that those are my views on black hair. It is disappointing that part of my interview was shown but that is not my real view. I love being dark skin I love black hair and that is all I have to say.
I think it’s really sad that the women in the movie feel the way they do. I have heard black men and women say truly hurtful things about darker women. I do understand why those women feel so bad. I wish we would all just love one another and know God love us no matter what hue we are.
W.T.H. is wrong sargewp ……you mad cause they point out that as a culture we broke a lot barriers but we still worried about being too dark something that shouldn’t be a issue. Education, status, and money are all things you can change no matter the barriers but being dark ..something that you are…..is stopping you from feeling beautiful, smart and lived. And then what is wrong for a female with a being proud of her career/education…..goals accomplish would make anyone proud.
” Education, status, and money are all things you can change no matter the barriers but being dark ..something that you are…..is stopping you from feeling beautiful, smart and lived. And then what is wrong for a female with a being proud of her career/education…..goals accomplish would make anyone proud.”
The problem is is that education and or status – THRU education – HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH BEAUTY AT ALL.
I think one of the main themes that have transpired in the world of black women is the mainstream medias successful attempt on getting black women to value themselves SOLELY based on their education because of the false belief that they can never DEFEAT THE WHITE BEAUTY STANDARDS.
Too many black women are compensating for what they neglect or don’t take care of about themselves but yet still expect black men to choose them over some slim attractive woman who embraces her femininity more so than African American women who think that having an education and a good career is going to attract a man.
The biggest LIE EVER TOLD – The only black men looking for successful black women (hate to break it to u) for the most part, are black men who are looking for a MAMA – or looking for someone to take care of them.
Ur most EDUCATED women are NOT necessarily ur most attractive – same holds true for most educated black men. The problem is is that black women have entered a realm where they exclusively value their education than their beauty as black women – due to an inferiority complex based on all the negative stuff they are bombarded with.
Issue is – While black women seek to attract Men with their education – OTHER RACES OF WOMEN – attract men with their LOOKS and Femininity – all the while still obtaining that education.
The problem is black women have lost that balance.
There are 180lbs women talking about – I got DEGREES – why ain’t brothas checking for me. Meanwhile – here comes the Latina with the Heels, Makeup, dress, shaved legs, 120lbs and a Degree.
Look at the View – Look at what is presented to the world – Sherri Shepard vs – Elizabeth Hasselback.
THAT IS NOT A FAIR COMPARISON – but black women are all to happy to have a black women up there regardless of what she looks like – With an education.
Problem is – LOOK at what u have visually representing BLACK WOMEN AND HOW BLACK WOMEN LOOK, especially in comparison to the other races.
Watch Telemundo or Univision – and U will notice the Latinos only put up their BEST LOOKING WOMEN – We stupidly only put up our most EDUCATED (supposedly)
How does that help when we are having a BEAUTY CONTEST!?
Sargewp. First off beauty is subjective. While you may be searching for a slim light skin long hair latina woman with heels and degrees. another man who isnt black, may be searching for a slim dark skin natural afro hair black women with heels and degrees. Just because you like latina women or women with light skin and long hair doesnt mean their value is worth more than a dark skin black woman with natural hair. It also doesnt mean a black woman should have to bleach and burn their scalps to look like them.
God made black women worthy just by him creating us. every woman is worthy just by god putting us onto this earth. they are worthy of love, of recognition, and of respect. Black women are people!
Second off. There is nothing wrong with a woman being proud of an education. I realize that most african american men are shallow, and will put the beauty of a light skin striaght long hair mixed raced or non black woman over an african woman with dark skin and big beautiful fro regardless of their size, or education. The african men in my family put an education above anything else, a woman for them must have an education. Education is something you can change about yourself you can better about yourself, looks and prefrences of other men you can not.
For me I realized that I need to accept how god made me, my dark skin natural hair full lips round nose almond shaped eyes, thin frame and all.
Eventhough I have accepted and come to terms of who I am and wear it proudly I do understand alot of men like you may not like my look. But you cant judge or deem someone unworthy of anything because of the way god made them. its about what a person makes of themselves in this world (education), and how they treat others. Thats what really counts, whats on the inside.
“Sargewp. First off beauty is subjective. While you may be searching for a slim light skin long hair latina woman with heels and degrees. another man who isnt black, may be searching for a slim dark skin natural afro hair black women with heels and degrees. Just because you like latina women or women with light skin and long hair doesnt mean their value is worth more than a dark skin black woman with natural hair. It also doesnt mean a black woman should have to bleach and burn their scalps to look like them.”
WOW NOT EVEN WORTH RESPONDING TO – Strawman! All over the place.
See it’s women like this I can’t dialogue with – anyone care to go back and look at the whole conversation.
Why are there so many delusional women like this?
I mean REALLY DELUSIONAL –
Their whole world view reflects them feeling better about themselves regardless of whatever some of the harsh realities maybe that most people don’t even cosign but they are they way things are.
These are the type of women that no matter how many times a brotha says – I’M NOT INTO BIG WOMEN – they will try to brow beat that brotha by pointing out the minority of men who do.
If SHE was the status quo – then 1) she wouldn’t even be here and 2) many of the complaints that brothas have to endure wouldn’t even be filed.
Insanity – Moving on.
@Beauty
Your quote:
“Sargewp. First off beauty is subjective. While you may be searching for a slim light skin long hair latina woman with heels and degrees. another man who isnt black, may be searching for a slim dark skin natural afro hair black women with heels and degrees. Just because you like latina women or women with light skin and long hair doesnt mean their value is worth more than a dark skin black woman with natural hair. It also doesnt mean a black woman should have to bleach and burn their scalps to look like them.
God made black women worthy just by him creating us. every woman is worthy just by god putting us onto this earth. they are worthy of love, of recognition, and of respect. Black women are people!”
Kap’s response
Hmmmm…If I am getting this right….
Are we talking about dark skinned black women and their beauty?
Or are we talking about about dark skinned black women’s self worth?
..and is this self worth tied to skin tone?
If it is tied to skin tone then personal academic accomplishments have nothing to do with skin tone. What is the relevance?
Dark skin does not determine one’s scholastic horizon.
I believe SargeWP said something about weight…
Sargewp quote:
“There are 180lbs women talking about – I got DEGREES – why ain’t brothas checking for me. Meanwhile – here comes the Latina with the Heels, Makeup, dress, shaved legs, 120lbs and a Degree.”
He compared a heavy woman to a slim woman.
Now…let’s look at your quote…
“slim light skin long hair latina woman with heels and degrees. another man who isnt black, may be searching for a slim dark skin natural afro hair black women with heels and degrees.”
Hmmm…you compared a slim woman with a slim woman.
His point is simple, if a woman is dark skinned and overweight, it may not be her skintone that is making the difference or causing her to be overlooked. Too many times, overweight dark women will use the “it’s because I am too dark/he just wants white or other women” defense when in her particular case, it is clearly her weight that is an issue.
Onto your next point…
You are correct, there is nothing wrong with a woman being proud of her accomplishments. Again, I question, what what do her accomplishments have to do with her skin tone(which is what we are talking about here…right?).
But..let’s go with that…
In a beauty contest, the winner’s job for the next year is to wave, smile and look pretty. Hence, a “beauty” contest.
No one is mad at you if you are smart as a whip and have achieved domination status in your chosen occupational field or entrepreneurship. It’s just that your credentials are NOT the main focus of a “beauty” contest. So..when they have the spelling B, you will win hands down.
You also went on to say that African men in your family value education above all else. That is cool.
We’ll go with that…
Since you made the comparison between the educated dark slim woman with the big afro vs. the educated slim latina…
Let’s use the educated dark slim afro-ed woman against the 180lbs. educated dark woman. This is now black on black.
if the 180lbs woman is not chosen and the slimmer one is…is it because of her dark skin that she is NOT chosen?
On to “worthiness”…
So…when you say that “he”(I am assuming you mean SargeWP) cannot deem someone as unworthy of anything because of the way God made them…what do you mean by “anything”?
If you mean compliments of her beauty by black men, I don’t see where this is an issue if she is “actually” attractive and she is “actually” not overweight.
Compliments from men based on beauty don’t have anything to do with skintone, it has everthing to do with her physical beauty.
Compliments from men based on beauty have nothing to do with a woman’s personal accomplishments.
Unless we are NOT talking about beauty?
@ Beauty:
You cannot have a conversation with African-American men about the values we Africans hold dear. We come from different cultures, and have different mindsets and expectations for ourselves. Without a doubt, Africans value education. There is a reason we are the most educated group in the US, even more than Asians (google it). It is important for both African men and women to excel academically. This appears to be different for African-Americans, especially the men. He is never going to be able to understand your point of view because his is so different and I am not knocking it, just acknowledging the difference. If it works for him, he should be able to embrace it.
I got what you were saying and I completely understood it.
Wow – are these women insane!
THIS IS A BEAUTY CONTEST! NOT A GPA CONTEST.
WHY IS IT THAT THEY ALWAYS FIND SOMEWAY TO BRING A SOCCER BALL TO A BASEBALL GAME?
Baahahahahahahah!
Sargewp, I’d encourage you to make a trip down to my predominately black medical school, where you’ll find sistaz who can not only slap a degree in ya face but who are also ABSOLUTELY stunning! I’ve heard plenty of people ask how our male counterparts (equally fine and successful, btw) are able to focus with our cute, fit, intelligent, gorgeous behinds running around campus. Now everybody walking around campus ain’t fine, but it’s a whooooole bunch of us who are. Light, Dark, Medium…Slim, Thick, Big Booty, Flat…Natural, relaxed, weave…every varitey you can think and we COMPLETELY negate your ignorant statement about “lack of balance”. “men looking for black women who are educated only because they’re looking for a mama”…babahahahaha. I can’t, I just…where do you live??? Plzz tell me cuz I .NEVER. WANT. TO. VISIT. The black men around here who try to get at me, work harder than D. Wade in the NBA Championship, and not because they’re looking for their mama, TRUST. Many tell me, dating a woman outside their race is simply to SETTLE… a mere Convenience. Sistaz you betta recognize <3
P.S. Ladies around the world plz don't let the media skew your views… I am around HUNDREDS of young, successful, intelligent, beautiful BLACK brothas everyday (future doctors, dentists, and ph.d's, btw) who ain't checkin for nothin BUT a sista. I can only laugh at comments like these. Most of y'all need to relocate!!
Agreed, I’m married to wonderful black man , who doesn’t have those hang ups. Thank the Lord.
What makes you think you are expert on Dark Skin women, you are
not, your views are yours alone. One person one view.
You know why? Because people too dumb to study hard and keep their mind occupied. This earth is about to blow up, melt-down and blow out of control, yet we insist on stepping on other people to boost personal agendas. We need to be extinct. Let the rabbits run the world.
Co-sign!
I find it really comical how some people actually go out of their way to come to a website that caters to black women to bash them. It’s very pathetic, like what are you doing with your life?
“I find it really comical how some people actually go out of their way to come to a website that caters to black women to bash them. It’s very pathetic, like what are you doing with your life?”
U know this gets us no where – Black women are suffering up and down – I mean all a brotha has to do is listen to the complaints they file about being, underrepresented, under-appreciated, undesired, or unwanted – and when a brotha comes thru like – LOOK YA’LL BEEN DRINKING THE KOOL-AID FROM THE SISTERHOOD BANDWAGON OR THE BLACK WOMAN ENGINE TOO MUCH YA’LL GO
AHHHHHHHHHH BLACK WOMAN BASHING.
A woman will be single for years – or not understand y she has issues with men – Let a brotha break some ish down to her – and either We are men are stupid – EVEN THOUGH WE’RE THE ONES WHO WOULD BE DOING TH PICKING OF HER – Or we’re black woman bashing!
I don’t know what’s worse – The black man who goes on websites like these – Trying to tell black woman the truth and reality and get them to STOP DRINKING THE KOOL-AID
“WE RUN THE WORLD” – Beyonce
Or The black WOMAN who frequents sights like this to only reinforce who already negative view of herself and the (WORLD IS AGAINST ME) view points, as well as, confirmation biases that are supported by throwing PITY PARTIES OF – “Whoa is me” I’m the ugly black woman.
SWP – “Nah, ur not ugly, u just gotta clean up a little bit, little mascara (sp) get u in the gym, decide whether we gonna keep u permed or get u to go nature (which i prefer) but anyway we gotta upgrade u, cause ur not terrible – U’ve just been hanging around ur NONE FEMININE, I AIN’T GOTTA DO ISH FOR MAN, Overweight bitter friends too long.”
Nope but u can’t get black women to listen to that.
Then then so many wonder – why a lot of brothas aren’t really bothering anymore – especially those with the resources to do so.
I don’t expect the brothas in the deepest darkest ghetto to Hop the fence.
Sargwarp. Black women dont need to change anything about themselves. Makeup is not needed to be beautiful. Short tacky tight dresses. weave to look like the video vixens, heels everyday… all of that is extra. Black women just need to accept and be comfortable with the way god made them. We cant change the way we look, but we can better our minds bodies and hearts. I do yoga everyweek, running for me is relaxing. I feel like every woman should go running at least once a month, its not about losing weight, some women just cant lost the weight. Its about feeling better about yourself.
eating less junk. Foods in High fat and cholesterol are not good for our bodies or minds, they drain us of our energy and have us feeling weak even depressed.
Accomplishing goals, I just got my A.S. in math and science and I am only 19, I feel so good about myself, it is a rewarding feeling. I can wait to finish school and recieve my B.S. in Biochemistry, and hopefully enter graduate school to get my masters in Biochemistry. creating and accomplishing goals always helps in making someone feel better about themselves.
Complimenting other people, giving to charity. Volunteering.
Turning off the media like the television and the internet, that poison our minds, and reading a book or traveling the world helps also. The world is so much bigger than what you live or see.
all of these things can help black women better themselves.
(sorry for the typos.)
Amen!
As a dark skinned woman (and yes Sargewp – a highly educated one), this documentary hits home….except…unlike these women, it didn’t make me hate my complexion, it made me dislike black people. Dislike them because even as a child I realized how backwards we were (are) by hating on dark skin and glorifying light skin.
Now that I’m an adult I realize that many of these people of color that dislike dark skin (or kinky hair or certain features) dislike them because those things serve as a reminder of their own blackness/color…don’t people hate the people/things that remind them of the trait they find most undesirable in themselves?
Oh yes, and Sargewp I would have to say that this piece/issue is not about ‘beauty’ per se. It is about the fact that if we were able to make ‘all things equal’ and put two people next to each other, the one with the lighter skin would have more positive traits attributed to them and more potential/worth/value ascribed to them than the one with darker skin.
So the issue is color and worth in the african-american community, which is not necessarily beauty (although beauty is encompassed within it). This documentary may just happen to focus on beauty because they interview women and in our society much of womens worth is tied into their ‘beauty’.
@DM – ok
First thing I want to say is that ur statement is too presumptuous. Black people throw around the self hate card WAY TOO MUCH.
Here is a reality – We do live in a multicultural society where people from a very young age are presented (depending on their demographic) different looking people – The idea that you can have different races of people living on top of each other an no one being attracted to another race is absurd – and within the last 100 years is really been the only time in human history where are a large scale the WORLD has had to deal with this issue.
If you notice the trend biracial people are being looked at as MORE attractive than anyone of an individual race.
However, the problem for black people is that there is a racial hierarchy in place which says that white is on top and better.
So from our perspective – a biracial person is said to be attractive because they are a watered down black person.
We foolishly accept this idea – instead of realizing that it can also be said that it’s the BLACK genes that make Halle Berry better looking than MOST WHITE WOMEN.
But the issue is her beauty is attributed to her WHITE SIDE as opposed to her black side – because of the racist notion out here that generally speaking whites are more attractive than blacks – therefore – she is seen as a watered down beautiful black woman as opposed to a SPICED UP WHITE WOMAN.
Thats a slick ass white supremacy trick.
The other thing is – no one can discount the fact that black women’s beauty is under-minded – but u say that a black women will lose every time to a lighter skin woman – NEVER HAS THERE EVER BEEN A BIGGER LIE!
THE TRUE PROBLEM THAT I SEE IS THIS.
The black women that are compared to white women or lighter women are often.
Not comparable – like Sherri Shepard and Elizabeth Hasselback
U can’t not make that visual comparison on the view. OR The black women that are presented to fight the white beauty standard are often
“WHITE WOMEN DIPPED IN CHOCOLATE” u know the K.D. Auberts of black women who have more european features than west african features.
Iman Bowie is another one – or using biracial women and passing them off as black and then comparing.
Black women do not encourage the putting up of THEIR BEST
Black women – want ALL BLACK WOMEN TO BE UNIVERSALLY ATTRACTIVE
But this is a beauty contest u want to put up ur best!
All white women do not fall within the WHITE BEAUTY STANDARD.
Look at Sarah Jessica Parker – She looks like a witch!
But it does not help when the black women that are used to fight the white beauty standard, are mixed, overweight, wear (white women’s imitation hair, or have uber european features.)
African American women will Cosign Iman Bowie – until it comes time for black men to choose between and East African and a West African – Then it becomes A problem. Now she’s not black enough and they do the same with mixed black women.
Halle went from Light skin B – to Representing beautiful black women just because she got a white boy. Explain that.
I say all that to say this –
BLACK BEAUTY NEEDS TO BE DEFINED – AND BLACK WOMEN NEED TO HAVE THE UNDERSTANDING THAT MOST BLACK WOMEN WILL FALL OUT OF IT.
And this is necessary.
Too many genuinely unattractive black women are scapegoating to the “IM DARK SKIN EXCUSE”
Imagine Flava Flav saying – its cause I’m Dark skin.
That’s how brothas end up feeling sometimes. And then the busted light skin chicks that get ignored no one pays attention 2.
Black women like to compare a Dark skin 5 to a light skin 10 and then claim – it’s cause of her complexion that she wins.
And the sad part is they don’t know how ridiculous they look when they do that – they are not proving self hate or anything else at that point because they did not present to women that were comparable.
I see this ALL THE TIME.
This idea that black women have that a woman is going to win just because she’s LIGHT SKIN IS FALSE.
That’s like tellin me that Paula Patton is gonna win everytime – compared to Megan Goode or Tenika Davis in the Jump the Broom.
Its goes from a Self hate argument – to an Ugly girl argument in 5 secs flat.
Until black women start presenting their best – and comparing black women who are comparable to some white chick then YES its gonna seem like black women are going to lose every time.
No I’m not compared Amber Riley to the 2 white girls on the cover of that magazine she was on GOOGLE IT – Ridiculous.
But the black girl looses and dark skin women go – SEE SEE AHA!!!!!! WE KNEW IT!
I’m like what in the….
And I agree with you much of women’s worth is tied to beauty – just like much of men’s worth is tied to HOW MUCH MONEY THEY MAKE.
There are too many dark skin girls – filing the self hate complaint that are NOT ATTRACTIVE.
That’s my sentiment.
I would like to know where all these DIME ASS FINE AS HELL BEAUTIFUL DARK SKIN WOMEN THAT BROTHAS ARE OVER LOOKING ARE.
Because from the standpoint of an American Black man – I see way too many Black women filing the Dark skin complaint who shouldn’t be.
Go back and watch that documentary – and tell me how many of those women – needed some makeup, needed to do something with their hair, and above all NEEDED TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT – before they file the – “ITS CAUSE IM DARK SKIN COMPLAINT’
Quite a few.
And I’ve also seen where the ugly dark skin girls GOT THE FINE ONES BELIEVING THAT men ain’t hollering because they are dark skin as opposed to intimidated.
Why is it a man can be intimidated by a black woman’s MONEY AS THEY SAY
But not how fine she is?
Another things is – There will be 100 brothas with dark skin women brown skin women or whatever, and a black woman without a man – will ALWAYS FOCUS ON THE 1 BROTHA WITH A WHITE GIRL AND GO AHA!!!!!!!!
If u really wanna screw some black women up in the head – come rollin thru with a black STALLION – chick badder than bad and black as night!
THEY HAVE NO WHERE TO GO! NO SCAPEGOAT TO RUN TOO.
They can’t say oh u just want her cause she’s dark skin.
It can only turn into a I’m shallow, and only want SUPER DIMES – what about the personality
Again this is a beauty contest – and Yea I’d like to see a black women try to SLAM men for checking for THE SUPER FINE DARK SKIN WOMAN! PLEASE!
It’s at that point they have lost all credibility – and that has happened numerous times in my past.
“THOUGHT U WANTED ME TO LIKE FINE DARK SKIN WOMEN”
“OHHHHHHH I SEE NOW – ITS NOT THAT – IT’S THAT UR NOT GETTING PICKED OHHHHHH REGARDLESS OF THE WOMAN IM WITH LIGHT OR DARK OHHHHH”
EXPOSED
@DM
Your quote:
DM says:
June 1, 2011 at 9:41 AM
Oh yes, and Sargewp I would have to say that this piece/issue is not about ‘beauty’ per se. It is about the fact that if we were able to make ‘all things equal’ and put two people next to each other, the one with the lighter skin would have more positive traits attributed to them and more potential/worth/value ascribed to them than the one with darker skin.
So the issue is color and worth in the african-american community, which is not necessarily beauty (although beauty is encompassed within it). This documentary may just happen to focus on beauty because they interview women and in our society much of womens worth is tied into their ‘beauty’.
Kap’s response
Well…if this “subject” or the subject that you are talking about is NOT really about beauty per se, then there is no wonder that this keeps being an issue.
Everytime they bring up dark women in documentary form, it is always centered around “beauty”.
I mean…if this is about dark skin in general, then why aren’t they also mentioning the “unpopularity” of dark skinned men and their issues?
Seems to me that since 1990, dark skinned men have been successfully promoted in Media, even in negative portrayals, as a fierce sexual object. The epitome of Hyper-masculinity and true manhood. There has been no promotion of dark skinned black men in their education achievements at all.
It seems to me, based on the switch in “styles” of black men(light and dark) from the 80s to the 90s that black women have embraced this notion as well in their attraction to darker black men.
My point in all of this is, the “worthiness” of people in our community seems to center around “beauty” or physical attraction or even physical perception…regardless of gender. As I am sure you know, light skinned guys are almost a non-entity with many black women today. They do not represent the true black man and black strength to many black women, but, that was not the case in the 1980s.
I’m hoping that the women are seeing this. Basically what Kapsolo just said.
If the issue was solo about beauty and DARK SKIN – really – where are these documentaries with black men being just as affected and emotional about being dark skin?
Where are they?
Dark skin black men since the 90′s have been promoted and dark skin women have not been. It’s just that simple.
There are countless examples of Dark skin black men who are seen as the epitome of male masculinity. Idris Elba, Morris Chestnut, Lance Gross?, Denzel, Tyson Beckford, Tyrese.
These guys would not have gotten much love in 1984.
Overnight the light skin man got pushed out he was too pretty to feminine! TOO GAY!
and the Dark boys took over with Hip Hop Culture and it’s been the way we know it ever since.
When do we see Dark skin black women playing the Uber Feminine woman? We don’t.
There was one dusty lookin Jamaican dude in the documentary talking about dark skin – but if u ask me that guy was not clean cut and was not attractive because of it. (but that’s just my opinion) but notice – he wasn’t shedding tears over it like the other women.
Now admittedly men don’t have to value themselves solely on being attractive or beautiful or more appropriately – HANDSOME!
But I don’t think thats the concern for men or the difference between the women and men on this issue. Dark skin men are promoted and the Dark skin women are not – we see that all around us.
So is this REALLY A BEAUTY ISSUE. If it was… how can u have half of the DARK SKIN POPULATION based on gender as considered – ATTRACTIVE – but the OTHER HALF NOT?!
This was part of the basis of that racist article from psychology dot com about black women not being as attractive.
It is that Dark skin women are not as attractive – and black men are JUST MORE ATTRACTIVE?
or the depictions in MEDIA ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT?
Think about it. How come Idris Elba gets movie parts – but Gabby Union and a few others struggle with getting roles.
Even with the fine Dark skin black women – they are significantly underrepresented compared to their DARK SKIN MALE COUNTERPARTS.
Men’s gender and status in our society assuage the impact of colorism and perceived beauty; whereas women’s gender and status compound its impact. So yes, I am able to acknowledge that colorism impacts the perceived beauty of both men and women, but I cannot say that it impacts them equally.
As evidenced by the child’s designation of the darkest doll as both dumb AND ugly, that combination of “undesirable” traits means much more in a patriarchal society to a dark woman than to a light man.
Good post DM
I will agree with that…
DM I am not understanding what you are trying to say nor your point – Not being smart – I just simply do not understand what you are trying to point out.
– “As evidenced by the child’s designation of the darkest doll as both dumb AND ugly, that combination of “undesirable” traits means much more in a patriarchal society to a dark woman than to a light man.”
Why would the issues of a light skin man be comparable to that of a dark skin woman when in this white dominated society – even though a light skin black man’s masculinity is questioned – at the end of the day he is still a light skin man which is valued in this society, which is the whole basis of ur argument that light skin is MORE valued than dark skin?
No one is arguing that clearly in this society light skin is valued more than dark skin.
However – DARK SKIN! affects the women significantly more than it does the boys.
People do not face the fact that UGLY EQUALS MALE – and BEAUTIFUL EQUALS FEMALE.
They go hand in hand like – “TALL DARK AND HANDSOME”
Whens the last time u ever heard – TALL PALE AND HANDSOME OR TALL BLONDE AND HANDSOME.
Society has made DARK inherently male – THIS DOESN’T PLAY OUT WELL FOR BLACK WOMEN.
Please not practically all male super heros have dark hair – and all of them being WHITE MEN.
Aqua man is blonde – and what do they say about him?
This is one of those added factors that get ignored in the dark skin arguments.
Not saying its right – but it seems to get excluded by black women constantly.
There seems to be an inherent maleness to being dark – and even women cosign onto this idea – which is y i pointed out the “LIGHT SKIN PRETTY BOY” statements
Women will say that – but then get upset when they hear ur PRETTY FOR A DARK SKIN GIRL.
When’s the last time u ever heard – “Pretty DARK SKIN BOY”
That’s rare. Handsome, maybe, good lookin? But not PRETTY!
IT’s like that word is exclusively reserved for fair skin people and I’ve heard many black women unconsciously cosign that believe with their own words.
“PRETTY BOY”
ABC did a similar DOLL TEST – because that’s what it’s based off of, and what they found was that the boys were significantly less affected by the ideas surrounding skin color. They also had higher self esteem. Most of the boys stated that they didn’t think that color mattered in determining whether the doll was smart, ugly, or unfriendly.
The girls, however, gravitated towards the white doll a majority of the time.
Black boys have numerous dark skin black males who are admired to pull on which helps their self esteem
Young black girls don’t.
I do not think it’s the SKIN COLOR – ITSELF – I think it’s the connotations that come along with being DARK SKIN AND FEMALE – which this society IS AN OXYMORON.
The ignorant classic ideal is that the man is supposed to be dark – and the woman light.
And u see this even within exclusive white society.
Problem is all the brown people of the world have adopted similar social themes.
I am biracial and growing up was not very easy! But it was the black girls that always gave me the problems. My skin color, hair type and so on… I believe we all face some type of criticism no matter what our skin color. Just take and embrace who you are and work with your issues. I think most of the women complaining of their skin color are the ones whom actually have the problem with their dark skin. I think its beautiful! and so do many, many others…
“Sargwarp. Black women dont need to change anything about themselves. Makeup is not needed to be beautiful. Short tacky tight dresses. weave to look like the video vixens, heels everyday… all of that is extra. Black women just need to accept and be comfortable with the way god made them. We cant change the way we look, but we can better our minds bodies and hearts. I do yoga everyweek, running for me is relaxing. I feel like every woman should go running at least once a month, its not about losing weight, some women just cant lost the weight. Its about feeling better about yourself.”
NOT TO BE CRASS BUT HERE LIES – WHY SO MANY BLACK WOMEN ARE SINGLE.
I mean damn – what type of bait are u throwing out here.
It’s like u wanna just roll out of bed – and then expect Brothas to check for u – in the same way as the Dolled up White girl, or the Sista looking like the girl on the link below
SUMMER BRONZERS
Damn that’s a bad chick.
But No – Women who think like u – expect black men to be falling over themselves to get to u – when u don’t put in the time or effort to attract men – but then get indignant when they don’t and then blame it on (if u do) DARK SKIN!
I mean come on – Let me not shave for a week, take a bath, brush my teeth, comb my hair – tell u HOW GREAT I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF – and then get mad u ain’t checkin for me.
U’d be like Neeeeeeeegrooooooooooooo Pooooooolease!
All that I FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF KUMBIYAH STUFF – “TAKE ME AS I AM” stuff may be good for the SPIRIT – but it ain’t gonna get u a man – unless u get one of these Bohemian Brothas.
U know the ones with the Ratty Dreads – and usually don’t have a job.
“The idea that you can have different races of people living on top of each other an no one being attracted to another race is absurd.”
Okaaay? lol who said that people wouldn’t be attracted to other races? I personally don’t have a problem with that and never will. The issue as I see it is not attraction. This issue is placing a higher value on particular features instead of looking at how the total package comes together.
“The other thing is – no one can discount the fact that black women’s beauty is under-minded – but u say that a black women will lose every time to a lighter skin woman – NEVER HAS THERE EVER BEEN A BIGGER LIE!”
Please read what I wrote. That is not what I said. Depending on how I step out (which is the portion of your statements that I agree with) and who I am with, the attention I receive varies. As I would assume it would. Hence why I said ‘all things equal’ in my statement.
Furthermore, I made it a broader statement regarding the expectations and worth of the person based on skin tone (my same statement could be said when comparing a white person and a person of color). I did not assign gender to my statement nor narrow it to beauty.
“But the issue is her beauty is attributed to her WHITE SIDE as opposed to her black side – because of the racist notion out here that generally speaking whites are more attractive than blacks – therefore – she is seen as a watered down beautiful black woman as opposed to a SPICED UP WHITE WOMAN.”
Haha I actually totally agree. Perspective is everything.
“But it does not help when the black women that are used to fight the white beauty standard, are mixed, overweight, wear (white women’s imitation hair, or have uber european features.)”
I 100% agree. I think there should be more diversity regarding all representations of beauty; with the increase of interactions with other ethnicities and races EXPANDING standard of beauty, not constricting it.
“Halle went from Light skin B – to Representing beautiful black women just because she got a white boy. Explain that.”
I cannot, because I’ve always viewed Halle as a beautiful biracial woman.
Ultimately, I believe the reason this is so acutely felt in the lives of women of color, particularly darker women of color, is because beauty is so closely associated with worth for women, and if your particular aesthetic is not deemed beautiful, then unfortunately your ‘worth’ is going to be impacted the most. I think as a society we also need to place more stock in the intangibles that make people attractive. Their spirit, their charisma, their intellect, their drive, etc. While those things are not tangible attributes (that can be measured and judged), they do add to or detract from a person’s beauty, and as a society we GROSSLY undervalue them in women. (I could write an entire essay about the underdevelopment of women in society based on the overemphasis on tangible attributes and beauty. But I won’t lol). All in all, this is a complex issue of race, multiculturalism, gender, identity, and esteem – one that will not be fleshed out on cocoandcreme.
“The issue as I see it is not attraction. This issue is placing a higher value on particular features instead of looking at how the total package comes together.”
I’ll concede to that point. But my question is – what comparable black women who have those features are being presented?
“It is about the fact that if we were able to make ‘all things equal’ and put two people next to each other, the one with the lighter skin would have more positive traits attributed to them and more potential/worth/value ascribed to them than the one with darker skin.”
There is no miss reading here – which leads to the fact that – THE LIGHT SKIN WOMAN BEING PICKED OVER THE DARK SKIN WOMAN.
Also u are combining 2 different issues – one of light skin – and another of features – which I did illustrate that point in my first comment about – even when a dark skin woman is presented often times she is a White woman dipped in chocolate. But I’ll go with the idea that if ur lighter ur going to TEND to have less West African features – as must people would define them.
U did say all things equal – I did miss that – but I have still not see women PRESENT and ALL THINGS EQUAL COMPARISON – often they are hypotheticals that never take place.
Example a black woman will say – Most black men will choose Jennifer Aniston over Gabrielle Union. THAT’S INSANE! (POINT OF VIEW OF A BLACK MAN)
What I do see black women do however – is compare – AMBER ROSE TO INDIA ARIE and then go AHA!!!!!!!!!!! SEEE SEEE WE KNEW U WERE SELF HATING!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH
That my dear is not a contest. That is a flawless Victory Amber Rose.
ALERT!!!
“I 100% agree. I think there should be more diversity regarding all representations of beauty; with the increase of interactions with other ethnicities and races EXPANDING standard of beauty, not constricting it.”
Well actually this is EXACTLY THE PROBLEM.
Because of the one drop rule and its ilk – BLACK IS VERY BROAD – however WHITE IS VERY NARROW.
Because of this – black people would have to REORGANIZE THE RACE IN ORDER OT COME UP WITH A BLACK BEAUTY.
Halle’s out
Beyonce’s out
Rochelle Aytes out
Paula Patton out – (she should be out)
Amber Rose out – (I never knew she was in)
Cynthia Bailey Out
Alicia Keys out
K.D. Aubert out!
Iman Bowie out
Vanessa William Out
Tyra Branks Out
Rihanna out
Kenya Moore OUT
Then u will have the people who will want to take it all the way back to Africa – where if a chick don’t look like Alek Wek – she’s out – (Alek Wek ain’t never do it for me) there are some way more attractive Black Africans that here – How come they never get shown? Y because they make a spectacle of Alek Wek – never showing her as an object of desire – but as ART – with all the ridiculous face paint- Rarely a dress, Rarely her legs crossed or other modern symbols of femininity.
The do black women DIRTY – foolish thing is most black women focus on the position or being in the spotlight rather than – WHAT’S UP THERE, HOW ITS BEING DEPICTED RELATIVE TO OTHER RACES, AND HOW DOES THAT HELP AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMEN.
It’s like the Vogue issue. Many of those women are mixed, and east african, or cape verdian or some other stuff.
Tyra was in there – but she ain’t the most chocolate sista now is she.
See I doubt if black beauty can ever be defined – because at this point – WE WOULD HAVE TO THROW OUT SO MANY AFRICAN AMERICANS it would be ridiculous.
And if we can’t define black BEAUTY – we can’t define BLACK UGLINESS!
Which is our issue, because of white people a black man will never have the freedom to say – Im not into that girl – if she’s dark – he will always be UP FOR EXAMINATION –
Dark black men are only in because of HYPERMASCULINITY – go back to the 80′s and the Chris Williams were IN!
Enter the Rap Game and Tretch and the Like in the early 90′s and all light skin men were assumed to be gay or less masculine.
Stupid thing is – women never make the connection about light skin men being seen as more feminine because of their light skin and euro features and what that means for them as Dark skin women.
If the light boy is feminine – what does that say about u as a dark skin female that u are more MASCULINE? – I’m just throwin out the question.
It kills me when I hear a dark woman say “I DON’T WANT NO PRETTY BOY!”
99% of the time the boy is light bright.
And I’m like – WOW – and u thinkin like that is going to come back and bit u in the ass and u won’t even see it coming.
2 days later – “WHY ARE DARK SKIN WOMEN SO UNDERMINED”
Lets go back to that light skin feminine comment u made about Boris Kodjoe vs Idris Elba and who u saw as more MASCULINE.
Ur last statement is good and I agree with it – but I have to go for now.
Also, your light skin 10 and dark skin 5 comment belies the actual issue.
(setting aside the distaste of rating people) The issue is not with a light skin 10 winning out when compared to the dark skin 5. The problem arises when the women are ascribed their respective numbers due in large part to their skin tone. Personally I think this happens less for darker skin (I think people view my beauty accurately) but I think the light skin of a woman skews the accuracy of their ‘rating’.
” Personally I think this happens less for darker skin (I think people view my beauty accurately) but I think the light skin of a woman skews the accuracy of their ‘rating’.”
I’ve heard that before my only issue is that – I haven’t seen the comparison made. A lot of hypotheticals – but women always try to compare
to a Kim Kardashian or a Amber Rose
Never just the Average light skin girl – because THEY WANT TO MAKE THAT POINT ABOUT LIGHT SKIN – in oder to desperately support their belief system.
Not saying ur not right – I’m just saying a lot of times black women try to do this comparison thing with a light skin woman who is clearly BLOWING – MOST WOMEN REGARDLESS OF COLOR OR RACE OUT THE WATER
My only answer to these questions is when we realize color is not made equal but people are. It may be hard to just be people among other races but among ourselves, light and dark, one drop or full blooded, we should be able to just be. We should be able to see that we represent a long history rich with African Ancestry, spoiled by slavery, colonialism, late night rapes and forced miscegenation, and revived by our own will to fight against stereotypes that limit us and leave us shackled and bound to antebellum ideas that forced our color separation in the first place.
We must realized the chains came off a long time ago, and that we are house and field niggers no more. It is time we step out of our hurtful past to embrace a more peaceful future and hopefully embrace ourselves, all parts and all colors, in the process.
http://changecomesslow.com/2011/05/27/colorstruck-or-color-stuck/
“My only answer to these questions is when we realize color is not made equal but people are. It may be hard to just be people among other races but among ourselves, light and dark, one drop or full blooded, we should be able to just be. We should be able to see that we represent a long history rich with African Ancestry, spoiled by slavery, colonialism, late night rapes and forced miscegenation, and revived by our own will to fight against stereotypes that limit us and leave us shackled and bound to antebellum ideas that forced our color separation in the first place.
We must realized the chains came off a long time ago, and that we are house and field niggers no more. It is time we step out of our hurtful past to embrace a more peaceful future and hopefully embrace ourselves, all parts and all colors, in the process.
http://changecomesslow.com/2011/05/27/colorstruck-or-color-stuck/”
SWP – That was beautiful, it really was – I shed a tear… now back to the nasty reality!
Haven’t seen the documentary or trailer and don’t really care too. This really all I have to say I have never had a problem with my complexion well let me take that back there have been times were I wanted to be darker. But for the most part I knew I was black and I was okay with it the only thing that bothered me was why other people were so concerned and felt the need to make it seem as if something was wrong. Never got I remember a friend once telling me that dark skinned people should wear red and I told her that I was dark-skinned and that I love red she just started stammering over her words. Or those who felt they needed to be red bone this or that. Be black.
@ khamika andrews – Of course your words were taken out of context because they fit the agenda of the filmmakers. Making black females look like the embodiment of self-hate is BIG BUSINESS and will get you critical acclaim. Just as Lee Daniels (Precious), Chris Rock (Good Hair), Toni Morrison (The Bluest Eye) and now the folks behind Dark Girls. Is no one creative enough to show us loving ourselves, which many of us do, despite having gone trough self-hate and teasing? Is no one brave enough to tell us what we need to hear, that we are beautiful?! These folks would rather get a pat on the back for showing us crying the blues and looking sad. Like I said on the other forum, I am fed up with the pity party.
@ Ruggie – I wouldn’t go that far – I just think that capitalizing on black women insecurities is whats big business because black women are loyal consumers – amplify a problem and they will seek the first solution sold to them.
Another distinct difference is that black women bond over their perceived problems – black men don’t.
Like I said earlier – where are the black men boo hooing over this documentary. U don’t see them. Where are all the Dark skin black men shedding tears and having flash backs of being called a Tar Baby – (not saying there aren’t any) but U just won’t see black men coming out to support or even pay attention to a movie like this – black men in general do enjoy a whole different level of personal self esteem that really comes out of black male promotion both negative and bad in the media.
Even as the Bad guy – the black man is the hypermasculine sex object.
And many black men foolishly derive their confidence from images like that – I call it the “King Kong Complex” or “Mandingo Complex”
Mandingo may be derogatory but it still makes a black man be able to have pride about himself “physically” at least.
Not saying it’s right – just explaining it.
Just illustrating why u won’t see black men blink 2 eyes at this documentary. Only reason brothas bring it up – is that movies like this end up having black women feel even more negatively about themselves than when they walked in the movie theatre – and then that translates to a disrespectful disposition towards black men across the board – which later equates to brothas talking about black women’s attitudes and general disrespect towards brothas which has black men using that to justify hoppin the fence which only further reinforces black women’s belief system. Another black woman pity party movie comes out and the cycle continues.
“Like I said earlier – where are the black men boo hooing over this documentary. U don’t see them. Where are all the Dark skin black men shedding tears and having flash backs of being called a Tar Baby – (not saying there aren’t any) but U just won’t see black men coming out to support or even pay attention to a movie like this – black men in general do enjoy a whole different level of personal self esteem that really comes out of black male promotion both negative and bad in the media.”
I don’t think men in general would be lining up to talk about their feelings and traumatic experiences. Men just don’t do that.
Bubbles would u disagree that black men enjoy a whole different level of personal self esteem than compared to black women because black men are more promoted in the media than black woman?
sorry meant to say both negative and positive – in the media
Although I’ve just recently started posting, I’ve read the blogs for awhile and can appreciate the generally, even keeled, respectful tone of most posters. Even in disagreement, civility is still upheld. This aspect is what appeals most to me.
@ Sargewp
Unfortunately, I don’t see that reflected in your posts. While you make good observations, your approach seems aggressive; almost overkill, i.e. tit-for-tat bickering, long, drawn-out paragraphs of explanation, harsh, accusatory tone.
I’m not interested in more rationalization from black men on their desire for non-black women. It’s ok to find other non-black women attractive. It’s not ok to come on a message board used mainly by black women and malign their value based on your own prejudices.
“@ Sargewp
Unfortunately, I don’t see that reflected in your posts. While you make good observations, your approach seems aggressive; almost overkill, i.e. tit-for-tat bickering, long, drawn-out paragraphs of explanation, harsh, accusatory tone.
I’m not interested in more rationalization from black men on their desire for non-black women. It’s ok to find other non-black women attractive. It’s not ok to come on a message board used mainly by black women and malign their value based on your own prejudices.”
WOW its already been laid out if that’s ur interpretation of my points or argument then I got nothing for u. There’s nothing to confront when one is so easily dismissive.
Getting PAST what u believe to be my TONE or MOTIVES – I don’t see any type of sound rebuttal coming from u refuting not a single point.
This is where I just roll my eyes at women like u. The REAL problem is clearly LAYED out but women don’t wanna hear it.
The fact remains that regardless of what u think of me – black women are indeed losing. And the black man can’t go very far without the black woman and still have it black or keep the race going – if that’s ur end goal – but the problems will continue as long as black women don’t listen or think they got all the answers.
BW have been speaking for a long time – brothas have had a lot of time to sit and think thru what ur actually saying.
And when brothas finally analyzed it – removing the shroud of shaming tactics and other detractors – they realized it was BS.
Black women have too many fall backs when it comes to black men avoiding black women.
The end game for black women is – “YOU JUST LIKE WHITE WOMEN, I’M DARK, SLAVERY, MEDIA, AND UR BRAINWASHED”
Attack any number of problems or issue with BW and their Trump card will be one of those.
Those are some of the other facets – this beauty topic is just one of them.
Like I said – I already stated what black women NEVER CONSIDER – they have been too busy cosigning themselves and their views instead of listening to the very men that they supposedly want to be with.
Where are the fine dark skin women that complain brothas were never checking for me. I rarely if ever come across them.
The ones screaming WHOA IS ME IM DARK – usually are simply not that attractive.
Like I said before – and unattractive white girl – has no where to go. She can’t blame it on IM WHITE – shes supposed to be the epitome of perfection. But what if she’s not?
I’ve seen plenty of busted white girls. But how come when a BW is not that great in the face we always hear “Oh its my dark skin”
Let me bring some dark skin stallions around and we can dead the whole argument.
Black women come with too many hypotheticals about what they wish or believe WOULD HAPPEN – instead of what does happen. They pull on straw events when it comes to this issue.
“IF I HAD A FINE BLACK WOMEN AND A FINE WHITE WOMAN EQUALLY FINE – I THINK BLACK MEN WOULD GO FOR THE WHITE GIRL EVERY TIME” ~ BW
You don’t think that that’s too presumptuous?
Where do all these black babies keep coming from. I don’t see any shortage of black children?
91% of black men marry inside their race and the further u go back its higher than that.
There are other factors that significantly contribute or more severely contribute to BLACK WOMEN’S UNDESIRABILITY than “DARK SKIN”
For many women – it’s their TRUMP CARD
Because it’s something about them that can’t be changed therefore – NOT THEIR FAULT.
If I was a single black woman – it’s easier for me to say “ITS MY DARK SKIN” which I can’t change than say – “PERHAPS ITS MY ATTITUDE” which I CAN CHANGE BUT CHOOSE NOT TOO.
Some would say well hows that related to this topic? Its related in that THIS TOPIC – is used as a TRUMP CARD and or defense – when black men raise OTHER ISSUES about why SOME brothas avoid or are not checking for black women.
80% of black women would not fall in the DARK SKIN! category or I’ll even say the UGLY CATEGORY!
Most people are in the middle – Dark as Alek Wek – is not an African American Social Norm.
However 80% of black women ARE INDEED OVERWEIGHT!
So how come we don’t have documentaries talking about BROTHAS AIN’T CHECKING FOR ME BECAUSE IM OVERWEIGHT – when this has been a black man complaint for quite some time.
Yea u got some chubby chasers – but are these the supposed well to do black men that black women complain they see with their white trophy wives – NO!
WELL TO DO MEN DON’T DATE FAT WOMEN ACROSS THE BOARD. U will not find a rich dude with a Fat chick – good luck with that search if u doubt me.
FOR ME – I see the media misrepresentation of black women – and I wouldn’t disagree with them on that – and I do believe in affects black mens view of black women. Problem is black women cosign some of these problematic images.
Secondly, and more importantly, I FIERCELY believe black women scapegoat to DARK SKIN as a TRUMP CARD – to get away from other issue.
ITS NOT MY ATTITUDE – ITS CAUSE IM DARK
IT’S NOT MY WEIGHT ITS CAUSE IM DARK
IT’S NOT MY KIDS I HAD WITH ANOTHER MAN – ITS CAUSE IM DARK
ITS NOT STYLE OF DRESS (HOOCHIE) – IT’S CAUSE IM DARK
See I know it’s bad when I have a Jamaican friend who’s midnight black and she tells me a chick 3 shades lighter than her tried to tell her – some brotha over looked her for some light bright chick because she’s dark skin. According to the Jamaican chick – this girl was NOT CUTE AT ALL. But had the nerve to say – ITS CAUSE IM DARK – and the Jamaican was darker than her.
HOW U THINK THAT MADE THE JAMAICAN FEEL. And it should be noted that the Jamaican is way more attractive than the other girl.
its stuff like that…
Your response, as usual, is overkill. You’ve definitely got a chip on your shoulder. Hope life improves for you.
Again – Dismissive black woman, and the circle of denial and deflection continues.
I do feel a bit dismissive. Generally, readers appreciate simple, concise, to-the-point, arguments. Never-ending text, which goes on for several paragraphs, simply is too overwhelming to absorb. Most readers will either skim it or move on to the next one.
With that said, I can appreciate your observations, but question the conclusions. From your responses, it appears that you feel black women are less image conscious than others. Perhaps with the women you’ve encountered, but I suggest that you look over the first three or so tabs on this site; beauty, fashion, hair. Most of the posts pertain to appearance. Essentially, you’re preaching about the importance of attraction to a group, that already gets it. More than ever, black women are joining fitness clubs, eating healthy, following fashion trends, and seeking cosmetic surgery. Whether it’s right or not, black women, like others, do have a preoccupation with appearance. I would argue that most debt incurred by young women stems from concerns about image; buying designer heels and lipstick.
Rather than comparing Sherri Shepherd to Elizabeth Hasselbeck, it makes more sense to question why universally attractive, black models and actresses experience more difficulty breaking into the industry. Halle Berry has made this point numerous times as has Tyra Banks. If lighter skinned women can claim discrimination, surely it’s reasonable to accept that a darker skinned women may report even more extreme experiences given societal beauty standards. Even the comparison between black women of different hues is off. You would also need to take into account whether facial features are keener, because European features still tend to be preferred more. This is why an Amber Rose might be featured in a music video before a Gabrielle Union not Sidibe. Your hip hop artists are at least honest and have no qualms about their preference for “high yellow, redbones with long hair.”
I can make more points, but I doubt it’s worthwhile to do so. Whether you choose to address it or not, your comments speak to a more intense, personal issue with black women. It’s clear that you’ve had some negative experiences and may be using this forum to channel your anger. Perhaps you have not reconciled your preference for non-black women and feel an overt need to defend for rationale. Like what you like, but going on “attack mode” to defend your choice won’t change any minds.
I would be careful about discrediting the perspective of others. I’m finished with this thread.
(Perhaps with the women you’ve encountered), but I suggest that you look over the first three or so tabs on this site; beauty, fashion, hair. Most of the posts pertain to appearance. Essentially, you’re preaching about the importance of attraction to a group, that already gets it. More than ever, black women are joining fitness clubs, eating healthy, following fashion trends, and seeking cosmetic surgery. Whether it’s right or not, black women, like others, do have a preoccupation with appearance. I would argue that most debt incurred by young women stems from concerns about image; buying designer heels and lipstick.
“(Perhaps with the women you’ve encountered),”
Ok that right there – I DON’T PLAY THAT GAME – black woman dismissive statement. That’s like when I say I see mad fat black women walking around – and a group of skinny black women tell me – “well maybe that’s just the circles u role in” – Yet there are numerous credible sources to go to that show and demonstrate that 80% of black women are clinical overweight and/or obese.
Black women take pride in having an attitude when they BELIEVE IT to be beneficial or they derive some type of strength from it – YET – when it’s something that black men point out as a negative – black women abruptly go into denial about having that attitude and commence with “well maybe it’s just the black women u meet or attract that have these problems”
It’s like come on get real. Yesterday – it was a parade – but when it’s pointed out as a problem its just them B’s over there. Please.
Black men’s complaints are extremely consistent – and black men all across the US from NY to LA, from Atlanta to Detroit – have stated their issues – only for a black woman to say – “I THINK IT’S JUST THE WOMEN U HANG AROUND”
GTFOH
And ur further points – I’ve already covered these issues several times – and have gone deeper in depth into them than Anyone on the internet so please – DON’T PATRONIZE ME – I know much more on the subject matter than you.
Google White WOMAN DIPPED IN CHOCOLATE – and a video I made on that will come up
And also – a more recent video I made called – OFFSETTING THE WHITE WOMAN as well.
If u don’t want to listen to them – ur choice – but I’m not going to TYPE OUT points i’ve already gone over several times in many of the videos that I have made.
5th one down on google. WOMAN DIPPED IN CHOCOLATE
OFFSETTING THE WHITE WOMAN IS THE FIRST ON GOOGLE.
Viewer discretion is advised.
U know what C – I thought about it – I wanted u to make some points and not be dismissive and U at least did that u made ur points. So as much as I’m repeating myself and tired of it I
1) advise u to watch at the very least – OFFSETTING THE WHITE WOMAN
and 2) I’ll break down some points that u made – which were kinda strawmans by the way.
Ok here’s one point u made.
“Essentially, you’re preaching about the importance of attraction to a group, that already gets it. ”
The problem is black women DON’T GET – simply being AWARE that black beauty is undermined is NOT GETTING IT.
That is not being conscious. Too many black women don’t see when they are being DISSED BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO BUSY EYEING THE POSITION instead of LOOKING AT WHO’S ACTUALLY UP THERE REPRESENTING THEM.
For decades black women have supported and focused their numbers behind women like Monique or Oprah. White media throws bw a bone and black women DIVE ON IT ignoring many things.
They make Alek Wek a super model – 99% of AA women do not and would not aspire to look like Alek Wek – but they try to force feed her to black men Y
Because they think they look better than her – and if u can get a brotha to co-sign a girl she feels she looks better than – that means that SHE’S OK. Brow beating men doesn’t accomplish anything.
White media throws up black women who like u pointed out HAVE WHITE FEATURES. AA dive behind that – like Vogue making its infamous black issue ignoring the fact that many of the black women were afro latina, biracial like Chanel Iman, or East African.
Black women dive behind that – I’m like how does that help UR BEAUTY.
Many black women cosign these so called black women with white features like Pam Grier – of KD Aubert – These are the women black WOMEN want to look like – yet they brown beat black men who find these women attractive.
Halle was not a black woman before – but as soon as she got a white man SHE’S BLACK NOW – black women play the reclassification game in order to support what they WANT TO BELIEVE – which is that every white man is checking for a black woman and black women have more options than they actually have.
Even Uheardmefirst on youtube has point this issue out for black women – which is as women black women have to be CHOSEN.
It’s not like just because TODAY I DECIDED TO DATE A WHITE MAN ITS GOING TO HAPPEN – White dude has to want u first – and usually he has to initiate.
What I’m point out is how unconscious black women are in who they support – often times they support the very women that they would be upset about if black men chose. Paula Patton with Robin Thicke – OMG EVIDENCE OF WHITE MENS LUST FOR BLACK WOMEN.
Let my black behind go with her – NOW SUDDENLY I FALL INTO THE – “just another brotha who prefers light skin women category.”
IF BLACK WOMEN WERE CONSCIOUS AND GOT IT – THEN THEY WOULD REALIZE – that every that has a TAN or COLOR – does not represent them. And sometimes – the black women who are in the spot light THEY DON’T WANT TO BE IN THE SPOT LIGHT REPRESENTING BLACK WOMEN.
LIKE GABBY SIDEBE!
Where are the white Gabby’s or Asian Gabby’s or Hispanic Gabby’s being sprawled on the cover of magazines – But real talk – I had BW trying to tell me ” WELL AT LEAST SHE HAS A PRETTY FACE! ”
U know y because they were too busy EYEBALLIN the position – NOT WHO WAS ACTUALLY UP THERE. They were dazzled by having something DARK SKIN ON THE RED CARPET!
Black women don’t realize they are being dissed even when they are dissed.
“Rather than comparing Sherri Shepherd to Elizabeth Hasselbeck, it makes more sense to question why universally attractive, black models and actresses experience more difficulty breaking into the industry. ”
THIS SHOULDN’T EVEN BE A QUESTION –
ANSWER: BECAUSE WHITE PEOPLE CONTROL ALL FORMS OF MEDIA!
That was simple. Black people need to have their own media and stop trying to PUSH OUR WAY INTO THEIRS – We will never be represented as EQUAL OR SUPERIOR TO WHITES IN WHITE MEDIA!
I CAN ASSURE U THAT. And if u give it some deeper thought I highly doubt that u will disagree with me on that.
If you saw Jumping the Broom the depiction of black women was some of the best quality and even portrayal that I’ve seen
U had Paula Patton, Megan Good, and Tenika Davis (the little known) dark skin woman – EQUALLY AS BAD IF NOT FINER THAN THE REST.
See most movies do not place black women that dark and fine in there. Black women’s problem is that they will grab onto ANY DARK SKIN WOMAN WHO IS REPRESENTED. Ignoring if she’s actually beautiful or not and trying to force feed that to brothas.
It simply does not work.
There’s alot that black women don’t see. It’s like they get made at black men preferring black women who have european features and long hair – THEN BLAME WHITE WOMEN BEING THROWN AT BLACK MEN IN THE MEDIA.
When the reality is more close to the fact that every black woman ever presented to black men – that black women also CO-SIGN – either have MORE euro features – or wear weave.
U can’t even THERE ARE VERY FEW BLACK WOMEN IN HOLLYWOOD WHO HAVEN’T HAD THEIR NOSE DONE. AND ZERO WHO ARE NATURAL.
I grew up wanting Lisa Turtle and Tatyanna Ali. Only found out T. Ali was mixed AFTER THE FACT. Years later.
But that was presented to me as a pretty black girl.
Or this BS they do with black sitcoms where the boys can be 100% and are the sons – but they try to pass these biracial girls off as 100% black with 2 black parents.
Black women are phased out of media even as LITTLE BLACK GIRLS.
This is all INSIDE THE BLACK COMMUNITY. And again – black women co-sign all of this – until its too late to realize that – SHE DOESN’T REPRESENT U.
I used to love that – Name a fine black woman
Chilli!
KD. Aubert
Iman Bowie
Chanel Iman
Halle
Kenya Moore
Do u see the problem – these black women are such OUTLIERS that define black beauty and black women go with and co-sign – that 80% of black women DO NOT MEET THE REQUIREMENTS – and again this is INTERNAL IN THE COMMUNITY – because we as black people co-sign this.
THE WOMEN JUST DON’T SEE THAT THEY DO – ONLY TO TURN AROUND AND YELL AT A BLACK MAN FOR LOOKING AT K.D. AUBERT OR ROCHELLE AYTES.
These are ALL beautiful black women when challenging WHITE WOMEN AND THE WHITE STANDARD OF BEAUTY
But black women want them thrown out the minute we start comparing black women – NOW – WELL SHE AIN’T BLACK ENOUGH.
What gets me is its almost like an admission that even black women feel a black woman can’t win against white women in a beauty contest unless the black woman is MIXED OR EURO FEATURED. Like the old Miss Angola I forget what year – white british father.
NEVER ONCE HAVE I HEVER HEARD ANY BLACK WOMAN SAY TO ME WHEN I SAY NAME A FINE BLACK WOMAN – Jill Marie Jones.
I always get either a mixed girl, or a dark skin girl with a STRAIGHT NOSE.
Black women are far from conscious.
Run up on most black girls and say – “excuse me are u mixed, is there anything in ur background – I mean ur so beautiful”
and THEY WILL CRACK A SMILE.
Stupid thing is – They cosign that and smile – yet will get MAD at a brotha who actually finds those women to be more attractive.
THERE IS SO MUCH THAT BLACK WOMEN SAY AND DO AND SUPPORT AND DON’T REALIZE – and I just look at em – “Watch out that’s gonna bit u in the ass”
And they never see it coming.
- Ur ball. Check
Sargewp, at this point, it seems we’re making the same argument. Since the dominant race controls the media and the perception of value and beauty, black folk – particularly women – will generally experience more difficulty being accepted. The more diluted the look, the safer/more attractive the woman. This was one supporting point to validate the perspective shown in the documentary.
Here’s a kicker, could someone like India Arie be considered universally attractive and why or why not. When Alicia Keys won the Grammy over her, there was slight backlash that Keys is simply more desirable than Arie. Keys is a phenomenal artist, but undoubtedly, her looks do help. Can strong, African features ever be universally accepted in America? Could they ever compare to the lightest and brightest. Forget white acceptance, what do we think about ourselves? What’s attractive and why? Just food for thought.
I need to acknowledge that times are better. Black folk are still working toward progress, but we’re better than where we were. When black folk stop claiming every ethnicity, but our own, we’ll be a little closer to the mark. Those of us, who are smart, realize we have to carve out our own space without waiting for validation. Whether you like Oprah or Monique’s look is a non-issue. Many black women have decided to claim their own beauty and uniqueness, even – no especially – when it doesn’t subscribe to the mainstream. Even if they were thin, the mainstream didn’t care anyway.
C – problem with what ur saying because ur not following me. Ur making the very points that u already made and I am more than fully aware of.
Here are the NEW POINTS that I’ve already stated but too many black women overlook.
1) THE DILUTED LOOK IS MORE EXCEPTED BY BLACK WOMEN THEMSELVES – and in my previous comment I gave numerous examples of that. Black women can not expect black men or anyone else to love things about themselves that they don’t even love regardless of what level or where the conditioning is coming from. Black women fail to acknowledge that if black men are conditioned that they are also conditioned because they don’t even like what they want black men to like. Hence the Alar Base Reductions.
2) Since women are valued more for their looks than men – WOMEN are more consumed with beauty – PROBLEM IS BLACK WOMEN TAKE THIER HINTS FROM WHITE WOMEN – and it doesn’t work for black women.
If anything it’s points out what black women are lacking. In comparison to white women’s appearance.
U say black women are equally concerned about their appearance as other races – depends. U have the black women WHO ARE NOT CONCERNED WITH THEIR APPEARANCE BUT THEN TRY TO JUSTIFY IT WITH “REJECTING THE WHITE BEAUTY STANDARD” When real talk they just don’t want to put effort in themselves – or have drank the Kool-Aid and and believe the Hype of black women are ugly and therefore put in no effort – and then black men not checking for them only reinforces the negative belief that they have about being a black woman.
And then u have the women who’s idea of WHAT IS BEAUTIFUL IS WHITE! and therefore do everything in their power aesthetically to try and look like a white woman.
One of the main reasons I HATE WEAVE WITH A PASSION. Imitation white women’s hair? Why aren’t black women wearing weave afro textured hair – because black women have feed into and internalized that afro textured hair is unattractive. Not to say that some men have not internalized that either – but I don’t blame that on white media – more so that I blame it on black women WHO ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO EVER SHOW THEIR NATURAL HAIR. It’s always gotta be weave or Perm – never natural.
TRACTION ALOPECIA IS NOT CUTE. And truth be told – it ain’t really about what black men want – it’s about what the women TRUELY THINK IS BEAUTIFUL WHICH IS WHITE WOMEN AND THEIR FLOWING HAIR and they want that LOOK.
1 black guy with 1 white woman out of a hundred a black women will use to support y she wears weave – but real talk – she can’t stand her hair to be NAPPY because straight hair makes her feel good and pretty.
How do I know this.
BLACK WOMEN ARE INTO HAVING THEIR HAIR STRAIGHT AND FLOW LIKE A WHITE GIRL EVEN BEFORE THEY’RE INTO BOYS.
Boys don’t become BAD BOYS – UNTIL AFTER THEY BECOME INTEREST IN WOMEN.
Huge difference. Black girls are taught to hate their hair from a young age – and Look at MOM with her weave or perm ain’t gonna help the daughter want to be NATURAL.
“Here’s a kicker, could someone like India Arie be considered universally attractive and why or why not. When Alicia Keys won the Grammy over her, there was slight backlash that Keys is simply more desirable than Arie. ”
PROVING MY POINT!
Alicia Keys looks way better than India Arie – THAT IS NOT EVEN DEBATABLE – That is not an eye of the beholder – THAT IS NOT A CONTEST!
See this is what I’m talking about – ur trying to prove ur point about “why can’t her features be considered beautiful”
MY QUESTION IS IS SHE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
Jill Marie Jones – same features shit even more Afro Featured with those big ass lips she got – but instead of throwing her up against Alicia Keys u throw up India Arie.
I’M SORRY – I DON’T CARE WHAT U SAY – INDIA IS NOT A PRETTY WOMAN.
See it’s like you black women don’t even know what PRETTY AND DARK SKIN IS? u just throw up anything to try and prove ur point. And then relate it to dark skin.
This just went from a SELF HATE LITMUS TEST
TO AN UGLY GIRL TEST!
U must compare the comparable. U black women will never win – trying to prove ur points with NONE COMPARABLE WOMEN.
U could have said Alicia vs Tenika Davis or Megan Good, shit LAUREN HILL!
But u said India Aire.
I hate to sound frustrated but seriously it’s like u can’t discern between a black woman who is actually attractive or is not and dark skin – and if a black woman is unattractive her features are either too black or she’s too dark, but my issue is you grab a woman who is not that attractive – and then black men get questioned like we can’t tell an attractive dark woman from an unattractive one if we were just comparing 2 dark women.
The other issue is that people have this idea that ur supposed to be attracted to people who LOOK LIKE YOU. Meaning White prefers White Asian prefers Asian.
Now if I go with that – Why would an African American – who for the most part 350 years later most of which look nothing like a Pure West African be expected to be attracted to a West African.
What I’m asking is this – Is there a look for African Americans? And if there is wouldn’t that become the new norm for what AA would be attracted to.
Most African American women would go for Lance Gross or Morris Chestnut before Dijon Hounsou. I don’t see black women ranting and Raving over certain African looking black men.
Now the issue here is going to be that AA are going to be seen as running away from BLACK AFRICANS BECAUSE THEY ARE BLACK AFRICAN.
This is what is said about y people don’t look at India Aire like that – but PLEASE TRUST – there are BLACK AFRICAN AND HAITIAN WOMEN BLOWING INDIA OUT THE WATER – No contest.
But relatively speaking it will always be interpreted as running away from black.
The white ideal is not perfect – nor the perfect representation of most white people. Most white people fall outside of the realm of white beauty – like those with super thin lips, thin heads of hair, ultra pale skin, or BEAK OR BIRD NOSES.
This is clearly evident.
However, what black people do to try and counter white supremacy and white beauty is grab the blackest features that they can find or the features that whites have traditionally put down about black people and find the black person with THE MOST EXAGGERATED BLACK FEATURES – and consider them BEAUTIFUL even though they are NOT just to challenge white supremacy.
GRAB THE WHITE PERSON WITH THE MOST EXTREME WHITE FEATURES – and I put money on it they will NOT be considered an attractive white person.
THERE ARE UNIVERSAL ASPECTS OF BEAUTY, and I do believe there is a bell curve to beauty – The most Average looking person is the most attractive.
wikipedia averageness – just for a brief summary.
From the view of black people we interpret mixed as being closer to white as opposed to being seen as more universally attractive because THEY ARE MORE to the middle of the bell curve.
HUMANS ARE NOT DIFFERENT SPECIES – We have never been separate enough long enough on any part of this planet to not be able to reproduce with one another – THAT SHOULD TELL U SOMETHING ABOUT THE TRUTH IN THE REALITY OF UNIVERSAL BEAUTY.
The problem is whites take the mixed people like Alicia Keys – who is more attractive that MOST WHITE WOMEN or Leona Lewis – Categorize them as black – one drop rule them – and then say THAT THEY ARE THE BEST OF UR COMMUNITY BECAUSE THEY ARE HALF OF US!
Its real slick and is the main reason there are those who want to book them out the black community for beauty purposes. I’m tellin u that’s y they are considered more attractive realistically – but no one will ever see that behind white supremacy and how they use that.
Notice white media always prefers to use women who are black an white.
Never black and other – Y? because WHITES CAN’T CLAIM KIMORA SIMMONS or the Tamika Skanes.
They have no way of undermining minority groups.
They have taken polls and asked who are the most attractive people or group.
LATINO.
What are latinos! MIXED by definition.
There are universal aspects of beauty. The problem for black women is they are so focused on proving white supremacy and white beauty standards that they COMPLETELY THROW THAT OUT.
Hey Boris Kodjoe – GOT ME BEAT I’m not throwing Rocks – and I wouldn’t compare myself to Brat Pitt and then call a black woman self hating for liking Brad. Black women have a really hard time admitting defeat.
We all know white supremacy exist and black women are undermined – but the difficulty comes in when black women present any woman other than a black woman who is clearly more attractive.
The women who they claim are beating them are always attractive white women or mixed women.
Where are these light skin 5′s and 4′s beating Dark skin black women who are 10′s
I mean where the infraction is so blatant and egregious that NO ONE CAN DENY IT.
Black women would be better off proving these cases.
Than trying to put Gabrielle Union up again Amelia Vega, Lucy Lui, or some hot white woman who I can’t think of right now.
Black women always wanna fight the really close ones, or the ones where it’s NO CONTEST – WHITE GIRL OR LIGHT SKIN GIRL WINS
Instead of really driving their point HOME – and presenting A BUSTED WHITE CHICK THAT WAS CHOSEN OVER A FINE ASS BLACK WOMAN.
Have a brotha be like … “well I’ll be damned”
NEVA NEVA NEVA NEVA.
When u brought up India – I just put my head down.
I mean its’ like every time there’s a Dark skin argument the finest black women that black women can pull up without white features is
Alek Wek or India Aire
Omg – U are doing BW such a disservice and u don’t even realize it. And it only goes to show that FINE BLACK WOMEN AREN’T EVEN SHOWN
Not that they don’t exist – THEY ARE NOT SHOWN WHICH IS Y U HAVE A HARD TIME NAMING THEM.
Look up Tenika Davis.
SHE FINE.
Find the fine ones first – them come armed to the table and Name drop – but presenting women who wouldn’t even win a BLACK WOMAN BEAUTY CONTEST – is not going to help black women out.
Btw, I think you missed my point of the image conscious black women. I’m not debating whether black women have a healthy self image – depends on the individual. My point is that women of all races care about how they look and often are their worst critic. Black women commit a lot of time and energy to enhancing their looks. This point was made to counter your argument that black women are less concerned about projecting a physically attractive image. By the way, there are numerous educated, attractive bw; education and beauty are not mutually exclusive.
I think our arguments have some commonality, but we’ll have to agree to disagree on the rest. Thanks for bringing some liveliness to the boards.
That’s unfortunate that I couldn’t bring u to the light C. Black women may not be listening but I know they are HEARING ME.
I’ve read all the previous comments, but i’d like to offer my perspective.
I can totally understand the comments about the serial degree wielding women, that may NOT be uber fit. No doubt, those women are out there. Which may or may not be a bad thing, idk. However; there are many black women, like myself that are more fit than your average white, black, latina, or any other type. My shape is usually compared to that of J.Lo or KK, just for an idea. I’m also highly intelligent, kind hearted, well spoken, thoughtful, and achieved major success at a very young age. Because my industry requires me to look like those women that the paps flash; my face, body[natural], skin[dark], natural [long] hair, and overall look remains above par. Despite those many attributes, i still get the eye rolls from black men for no reason, as if i just cussed out their mother. Just today, i was in the Mall and almost all of the black men that i encountered, turned their nose up at me at looked the other way. Especially the two or three that were with women of other races. To make matters worse, i’m a “smiler”, so it’s even more of a slap in the face. It’s like, who cares if you’re smiling and say hi to everyone, you’re still……? So for those that argue that BW don’t take care of themselves and are unpleasant, etc etc……cancel that notion.
Another recent personal experience, is one that has occurred all too often around me. At a major event recently, i was almost invisible standing next to my Latina counterpart. Countless men of all races flocked to her, even the celebs that were present. It didn’t matter that her talents were fruitless, her body was misshapen, or even that her face wasn’t that cute. The fact of the matter was, she wasn’t black and for so many, that’s a leg up. If she was “killin the game”, i’d be the first to say it. I always give credit when it’s due, as there were several other beautiful non-black women in attendance. But i digress.
I said that to say, this issue is not as cut and dry as many ppl like to imagine. But despite the futile attempts that society continues to make, i will never feel inadequate. We must uplift each other, because we are all we have. It’s open season on us right now, so we can’t expect others to do anything positive for us.
As a selfless, fit, well traveled, multi-lingual, effective individual; my life is very well balanced. And everyday I chart the treacherous course in my stilettos; smiling at the haters while deflecting their furtive comments, with my own positivity in their native tongue. There’s nothing like the avant-garde, the never see you coming!
There’s nothing like the avant-garde, “they” never see you coming!
U sound like a Pinot Grigio pinky in, u sound extremely bougie.
I mean u go into say all this
” I’m also highly intelligent, kind hearted, well spoken, thoughtful, and achieved major success at a very young age. Because my industry requires me to look like those women that the paps flash; my face, body[natural], skin[dark], natural [long] hair, and overall look remains above par. Despite those many attributes, i still get the eye rolls from black men for no reason, ”
Then say black men roll their eyes for no reason.
First problem is is that this debate is about beauty and or the context at which dark skin is injected into the conversation. Ur educational level or career achievements have nothing to do with this debate – or why black men are not looking at u – because THEY DON’T KNOW THAT.
Men are observing u strictly on appearance and how u carry urself – and I’m sure that ur personality as u so “modestly” described u wave like a star spangled banner – but yet can’t understand why that would put some black men off.
smh – some women don’t get it. They really really don’t.
If I could make u an animal i would make u a Pink Poodle – with the Dinsey Fluff Puff hair cut.
Excuse my ignorance but does anyone know what this mean’s
“Because my industry requires me to look like those women that the paps flash”
I’m sorry I’m a little rusty on my French Creole slang terms.
My confusion with Sargewp’s entire argument is this contradictory tone of black women conforming vs. you just flat out ain’t cute enough. It sounds like you’ve accepted the standard of western beauty and want us to except that too BUT you want us to somehow not conform (no weave, relaxers, etc.), fight back, don’t be co-signers…etc, etc?? What the hell?
You know how a black man can’t win if he walks in a room full of black women with a white girl on his side? Well the same goes for a black woman trying to defend her non-european beauty. We’re damned if we do (angry, bitter, TRUMP card) or damned if we don’t (brain washed, weave wearing, self-haters). I was with you for a while with the entire staying healthy, dressing up, stuff, but when you got to the whole, “India Arie is not cute” comment…now you’re just showing your heavily westernized, black behind.
NEWS FLASH: All your capitalizations aren’t alerting us to anything NEW. Black women are fully aware the standard of American beauty was not made to include us. And if you are aware of this as well, why do you have an issue with us trying to conform?? (i.e. despise weaves). What the hell are we suppose to do?? You’re the very type of “brother who ain’t checkin” for sistas who refuse to conform YET we’re suppose to keep ourselves up. Keep OURSELVES up to WHAT? Make-up IS WHITE beauty. Flowy hair IS WHITE beauty (if I kept my corn-rows tight, would you be feelin me? Atleast I got up and combed my hair!) So WHAT’S beauty for a black woman? (And I know you’ve made the argument already, that black women have no standard of beauty) but if KNOW this, WHY are you comparing us to white beauty AND MAD at those who try to conform and fit the bill??? Smh. You sound just as confused as black women, seriously.
And “Co-Signers”?? Lol. I’m sorry, when did Black women EVERY have any influence over media? You’re basically saying if we all took a stance, had some kind of uproar or revolt, that something would change?? Lol, please. We’d be some angry black women “unaccepting’ of ourselves. And why shouldn’t Paula be on the cover?? I do CO-SIGN! ANY BLACK is better than none at all (which use to be the case!) Even if progression is slow, it’s in the right direction. Perhaps one day Tika Sumpter or Keyshia Knight-P (Rudy), or other deeper-hued beauties, will be all over the covers too.
Side Note: What the hell is a black stallion? Sounds like a “white woman dipped in chocolate” with a horses ass. But couldn’t be, since you have a prob with the “white woman dipped in chocolate” right?
My BIG question is: Why do BLACK WOMEN have to be the ones who can somehow, step outside of the influences of American Culture and undo beliefs, and reheal wounds that were created over all these years, become accepting of ourselves and say “Hey, Halle Berry ain’t me!”.Yet brothas like you and EVERYBODY else can continue to accept the ideas that white beauty is right??? WHy are we being singled out and almost BLAMED for what isn’t our fault? We’re saying “HEY I’m not ugly. Your beauty doesn’t include me!” What else should we do?? Would you rather we rolled over and died?? Well no, we won’t. And we shouldn’t have to be alone. Our brotha’s don’t get a free pass. Because guess what, Halle don’t represent your mother, Chilli doesn’t represent your sister. So until we ALL decide something needs to change, ain’t nothin changing. THis isn’t just a black WOMANS issue.
How dare you sit here and use demeaning statements like Alicia Keys looks better than India Arie, when India Arie is an example of non-european black beauty, which most black women are. We didn’t make the system, we’re fighting to break it. So until then, keep all your “why black woman ain’t got no black man” insight to yourself… cuz that’s media driven too. We’re doing the best we can with EVERYbody against us- which it seems -include you.
P.S. I’m the typical “white woman dipped in caramel” example. I’m fit, fine, long hair, educated, amongst many other things that negate your previous “lack of balance” statements. Handsome brothers “checkin in” on the regular. I toot my own horn simply to say…your “Trump Card” theory doesn’t work with me. This is simply my point of view.
.
Yes Ms. B, I love it!
“My confusion with Sargewp’s entire argument is this contradictory tone of black women conforming vs. you just flat out ain’t cute enough. It sounds like you’ve accepted the standard of western beauty and want us to except that too BUT you want us to somehow not conform (no weave, relaxers, etc.), fight back, don’t be co-signers…etc, etc?? What the hell?”
STRAWMAN!
Black women are indeed BLACK WOMEN – they are not white women! BLACK WOMEN WITH WEAVES AND RELAXERS ARE AS RIDICULOUS AS BLACK MEN TRYING TO PART THEIR HAIR ON THE SIDE AND DO A COMBOVER WHEN THEY LOSE THEIR HAIR INSTEAD OF JUST CUTTING IT OFF.
See this is where black women try to US FIGHTING THE WESTERNIZED CULTURE CARD – to make the claim that THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN UNATTRACTIVE BEAUTY.
Forget BLACK BEAUTY – lets talk about BLACK UGLINESS
Is there any black person – that U THINK IS UGLY – Male or female! NAME ONE!!! And make sure they are black.
Then describe to me WHY THEY ARE UGLY.
See the issue is that black men do not have the freedom to call any black woman unattractive – ESPECIALLY IF SHE IS DARK SKIN. I am all for fighting the status quo and the WHITE BEAUTY STANDARD.
But black women take it TOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FAR – They go from fighting the white beauty standard to – ALLLLLLLL BLACK WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL.
India Arie – IS NOT ATTRACTIVE. I mean is that the BEST BLACK AFRICAN FEATURE WOMAN U CAN THROW UP
OK lets go black featured woman to black featured woman.
Forget the NON COMPARABLE INDIA ARIE – TO ALICIA
Lets go BETTY ADEWOLE TO INDIA ARIE!!!!
U gonna tell me – that it’s because of westernized culture that BETTY ADEWOLE is more attractive than INDIA!?
Mannnnn you black women are TRIPPIN! This is insane.
LIKE SEE U SAY DUMB STUFF LIKE THIS
“Make-up IS WHITE beauty.”
REALLY – DO U EVEN KNOW WHO INVENTED FACE PAINT!!!!! IS SHE SERIOUS.
See this is when black women throw out the baby with the bath water.
Let me guess wearing a dress is white
Wear heels is white
Wearing lingere is White
Shaving ur legs is white
Taking a bath is white
Brushing ur teeth is white
Wearing deodorant is white (BECAUSE WE KNOW WHITES INVENTED DEODORANT!)
I mean what are u advocating here?
I WANT A MODERN BLACK WOMAN – Not a black woman from 6,000 BC!
See this is where black women epically fail and lose – THEY ARE SO EXTREME IN EVERYTHING THEY TRY TO FIGHT.
BABY OUT WITH THE BATH WATER.
U say here:
“My BIG question is: Why do BLACK WOMEN have to be the ones who can somehow, step outside of the influences of American Culture and undo beliefs, and reheal wounds that were created over all these years, become accepting of ourselves and say “Hey, Halle Berry ain’t me!”.Yet brothas like you and EVERYBODY else can continue to accept the ideas that white beauty is right??? WHy are we being singled out and almost BLAMED for what isn’t our fault? We’re saying “HEY I’m not ugly. Your beauty doesn’t include me!” What else should we do?? Would you rather we rolled over and died?? Well no, we won’t. And we shouldn’t have to be alone. Our brotha’s don’t get a free pass. Because guess what, Halle don’t represent your mother, Chilli doesn’t represent your sister. So until we ALL decide something needs to change, ain’t nothin changing. THis isn’t just a black WOMANS issue.”
And this is a good comment – So let me show u the issue.
Black women have been co-signing white beauty and trying to look like white women for sometime. It doesn’t work! If anything with media promoting white women as the ideal – it more so shows what a black woman is LACKING in comparison to a white woman.
If black woman are rocking FAKE HAIR – why wouldn’t a brotha say to himself well if thats what she thinks I want why don’t I go out and get the real thing. I hate weaves. These little boys grow up seeing every black woman in their family wear WEAVES or PERMS never showing their natural hair but then at 18 YOU WANT THIS BOY WHO IS NOW A YOUNG MAN TO BE ATTRACTED TO NATURAL HAIR!
Yea the natural hair – that was so shameful for black women to have that THEY REFUSE TO SHOW IT! Talk about conditioning? – THAT’S NOT THE TV – THAT’S WHAT BLACK BOYS GROW UP SEEING OUT HERE EVERYDAY ON A DAILY BASIS FROM THEIR OWN WOMEN.
If u read my comments earlier – I talked about Halle – Not representing most AA women but yet she gets a white man and how many sistas took that as a sign of black women breaking into the mainstream?
HOW MANY!
HOW MANY – jumped on her band wagon – Or cosign all these BIRACIAL models with DARK SKIN WHO PASS FOR BLACK. Only to get mad when black boys check for them.
You women – complain about the very same women that YOU FIND BEAUTIFUL – then u blame it on white media.
HOW MANY BLACK WOMAN ARE GONNA STAND UP AND SAY CHANEL IMAN IS NOT BEAUTIFUL.
Yea good great I’m glad you said it – YEA SHE’S FINE! Guess what she’s HALF KOREAN! HOW DOES THAT HELP AND AA WOMAN who’s all black.
But black women so busy cosigning these ambiguously black women. Only to get mad when the men do.
“We’re saying “HEY I’m not ugly. Your beauty doesn’t include me!” What else should we do?? ”
I agree with U – PROBLEM IS – THE WHITE STANDARD OF BEAUTY has become the scapegoat for black women who are NOT ATTRACTIVE.
Where are these black dimes that are getting overlooked – THEY ARE NOT THE ONES COMPLAINING.
Has any of these black models or black women that are BLACK and deemed attractive jumped up and said – HEY I’VE HAD A PROBLEM ATTRACTIVE MEN – NO!
Just because the white standard of beauty exist and HAS existed – does not mean that if u suddenly removed it we would go from only 10% of black women being deemed beautiful to 100% of black women being deemed beautiful.
MOST WHITE WOMEN CAN’T EVEN MEET THE WHITE STANDARD OF BEAUTY.
How many white women look like Heidi Klum or Jessica Simpson?
Even if there was an exclusive black beauty – MOST BLACK WOMEN WOULD NOT FIT IN IT.
Beautiful people are MEANT to be rare. We’re only talking 20% When you walk into a club – does EVERY BROTHA CATCH UR EYE.
No! – but maybe 2 out of 10 brothas in there MOST WOMEN WOULD FIND ATTRACTIVE.
And that’s what black women need to realize – too many black women have this idea – that if there was no white standard of beauty that suddenly they would go from a being a 4 or 5 – TO AN 11!
All because we brought down some white woman off the pedestal.
THAT’S A JOKE!
U can’t not make ALLLLLLL BLACK WOMEN BEAUTIFUL – That’s the problem now with y black women’s image is so messed up – While black women are trying to put ALL their women in the beauty contest – ALL OTHER GROUPS ONLY PUT THEIR BEST.
They play with Allstars – black women mix the Varsity with the Little Leagues and then think their reputation is going to benefit.
“How dare you sit here and use demeaning statements like Alicia Keys looks better than India Arie, when India Arie is an example of non-european black beauty, which most black women are. ”
UR NOT GONNA PLAY THIS LITTLE GAME WITH ME AND THINK UR GONNA WIN.
India and Alicia Keys IS NOT AN EQUAL NOR FAIR COMPARISON – ALICIA KEYS WINS HANDS DOWN!
FLAWLESS VICTORY.
News Flash! MOST AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMEN DON’T LOOK LIKE INDIA ARIE – not even close just like most AA men don’t look like Dijmon Honsou.
So ur statement is erroneous is context!
Additionally – ur only proving my point!!!! – BLACK WOMEN TRY TO USE THE MOST AVERAGE OR UNATTRACTIVE BLACK WOMEN DO MAKE THEIR POINT.
I mean it’s like ur trying to force the WORST COMBINATION facially of west african features to be SEEN AS BEAUTIFUL.
Where are u with Betty Adewole!? ARE U GONNA TELL ME THAT SHE DOESN’T HAVE BLACK FEATURES?!
See like I said – our biggest issue is not BLACK BEAUTY – Our biggest ISSUE is that we don’t even know what black ugliness is, are afraid to define it to the point that anything that is black and gets called ugly we simply BLAME IT ON THE WHITE BEAUTY STANDARD.
Thank you Ms. B. I was done with his foolishness and stopped even trying.
As a matter of fact, every time I read one of Sarge’s post, I’m reminded of the movie Precious. “You fat, you ugly and black, and you ain’t nevah gone be sh*t,” a quote from Precious’ mother. And “no matter how many how many degrees you get, lipstick and heels you buys, and weight you lose, you still ain’t sh*t” and paraphrase of Sarge.
Well damn! I might as well roll over, play dead, and wait for the rapture in October.
One more thing, Sarge’s presence on this board is the equivalent of a Tea Partier’s at the DNC attempting to sway the masses. It’s ineffective and shortsighted.
JILL MARIE JONES VS INDIA ARIE
JILL MARIE JONES WINS – NO CONTEST.
What I constantly see is this attempt by AA women to get black men to co-sign women that they don’t even find attractive in efforts to make the rest or majority of black women who would be more attractive than an unattractive women, because I do believe that most women fall in the AVERAGE category, to be elevated to attractive status.
There are black African women who are far more attractive than INDIA ARIE like BETTY ADEWOLE – but AA women never name those women.
They name women that they KNOW AREN’T THAT BIG OF LOOKERS – and then try to take their case to court over black features – instead of going with the MORE ATTRACTIVE WOMAN WITH THE SAME FEATURES.
This is not about SELF HATE – This is NOT ABOUT BEAUTY – this is about UGLY OR AVERAGE WOMEN RECEIVING THE SAME LEVEL OF ATTRACTIVENESS AND DESIRABILITY AS THE ATTRACTIVE WOMEN AND HIDING IT UNDERNEATH BLACK WOMEN’S BEAUTY BEING UNDERMINED.
BLACK WOMEN GO FROM A SELF HATE TEST – TO AN UGLY GIRL TEST IN SECONDS IF UR NOT PAYING ATTENTION.
They wanna compared a Dark skin 5 to a light skin 10 and then when most men pick the light skin 10 they scream – SELF HATE AND CONDITIONING.
I’m like playing that game.
WHAT’S GOOD WITH DARK SKIN VS DARK SKIN – BLACK FEATURES VS BLACK FEATURES.
BETTY ADEWOLE VS INDIA ARIE!
What’s poppin now?!
See this is where the room gets silent.
It’s problem is – this is not about BLACK BEAUTY GETTING ACCEPTANCE – she already has acceptance.
THIS IS ABOUT GETTING AVERAGE AND BELOW AVERAGE BLACK WOMEN – that same level of acceptance. WHICH ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN.
Like I said – Ugly white women have no where to go if they are unattractive – the most they can do is try to accentuate what they do have.
Black women on the other had – if they are so deemed unattractive – can always GO TO OH ITS NOT THAT IM NOT CUTE – ITS THIS DAMN WHITE BEAUTY STANDARD.
I call BS.
I’m sorry i do not feel bad for black women who are genuinely unattractive – but then try to file it in the self hate white media category.
If they want to attack beauty – then ATTACK THE BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMEN AS WELL – Not just beautiful white women.
Because the issue for them is BEAUTY IN AND OF IT SELF.
NOT WHITE BEAUTY.
OR DARK SKIN!
It’s beauty PERIOD!! because that is what THEY ARE NOT! regardless of race.
Like I said – u wanna mess up a bunch of average black women in the head who always blame everything on dark skin.
Walk in with a BLACK STALLION – and watch them – THEY HAVE NO WHERE TO GO.
“THESE BLACK MEN JUST WANT WHITE WOMEN MRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHH!”
Black man walks out with a fine black woman – Dark skin
Black women are trying to nit pick and find something not black about her.
“HMMMPPPFFHHHH HER NOSE IS TOO STRAIGHT!”
“SHE’S TOO SKINNY, SHE’S GOT NO ASS”
They start tearing down the very same black woman that in a battle with a white woman that they would be forcing down a black man’s throat as to why He doesn’t like her.
See this is really a WOMAN THING – not a RACIAL THING – it’s just that black women hide behind the racial card – but bringing up the truth in the topic – where they are 100% correct on.
The problem is – THEY TAKE IT TOO FAR.
AND YES WE WANT 99% OF BLACK WOMEN TO BE CONSIDERED 10′S – JUST AS SOON AS WE GET RID OF THE WHITE BEAUTY STANDARD – THIS WILL HAPPEN.
NO LADIES IT WON’T
10′s r 10′s 5′s r 5′s 1′s r 1′s and Big women are NOT THICK they are Fat and can not be compared to Brya Myles or Buffie the Body.
Man the way so many black women think is SOOOOOOOOO FRUSTRATING.
They love Rose tinted glasses – NOT HARSH REALITY.
Stop scapegoating to WHITE WOMEN OR THE WHITE BEAUTY STANDARDS.
INDIA ARIE – DOES NOT BEAT ALICIA KEYS
AND INDIA ARIE DOES NOT BEAT – BETTY ADEWOLE
Excuse me poorly written sentence
“What I constantly see is this attempt by AA women to get black men to co-sign women that they don’t even find attractive in efforts to make the rest or majority of black women who would be more attractive than an unattractive women, because I do believe that most women fall in the AVERAGE category, to be elevated to attractive status.”
What I constantly see is this attempt by AA women to get black men to co-sign women that they don’t even find attractive in efforts to make the rest or majority of black women more attractive than they otherwise would be. They want the average women to be elevated to attractive status. And they use the logic that if I can get u to co-sign a woman who is unattractive – or has the same black features as I do – but they aren’t in the best proportion – if I can get THAT to be closer to the Ideal – THAT’S GONNA INCREASE MY STOCK tremendously – because GOD KNOWS – I look better than India Arie.
Run up on any African American Female – and say to her – EXCUSE ME ARE U NIGERIAN.
“lshlaskdjakjsdfa….Cough Cough Choke! – I ain’t no Gotdamn African”
That’s like an insult
But ask her if she’s mixed with anything and watch her crack a smile.
But SOME of these same women will quickly jump up and try to get a brotha to cosign ALEK WEK
Even though they would rather look like Iman Bowie.
Why get u to co-sign Alek Wek because if I as a Man cosign Alek Wek and she thinks she looks better than Alek – its a slick ass way to get me unconsciously co-sign her.
I SEE RIGHT THRU THIS.
Women do this alllllll the time – try to get u to cosign some chick that they know they look way better than just to get that sideways ricocheted compliment.
I dont comment a lot but I do read them. However I do appreciate balance in an argument. SWP is correct, beauty is much more than black or white. SWP mentioned varsity team, when someone dosent make it feelings get hurt, I feel that is an underlying problem. BW have an alliance and the result of that is all BW are beautiful. That is until a man comes into the equation.
As a man I fell like Price Akeem when it comes to beauty, when he saw the big gurl at his wedding his heart stopped but was relieved to know Vanessa Bell Calloway was the real bride.
I will never understand why BW dont listen to BM attentively about what BM like. And not be so dismissive about it. Another thing hair is not a major contributor to overall beauty, Ive seen some big gurls walk out of the beauty salon with a hair style that probably took 5 hours to do only to look cute from the neck up, toes down and fingers down.
Here is the kicker, there is a park with a track in it on the same block I do see BW their but not the ones who really need to be there. I think beauty salons should put some type of exercise bike in their chairs just for sake of progress.
So to simplify my point
1. SWP ask questions and bring points to the table that hasnt been addressed, so I see no reason why they shouldnt be asked.
2. BM should have a say so in what we find attractive, after all we do most of the selecting.
3. Beauty goes much further than skin hue alone, weight is an issue and overall health is an issue.
I love being dark skinned, I’ve never been made to feel inferior or less attractive from my family members as these women had… it’s disappointing to hear such sad stories. Frankly (and I may be biased here) but I think dark skin looks better. It looks healthy (no gross freckles or age spots), and has a beautiful glow. IDK but a lot of the women in this documentary seem like they need to get some dental work done and some need to fix their damn hair.
Im not trying to dismiss their experiences, but really how many dark skinned girls go throught this?.. I didn’t, nor did any of the other dark skinned girls I know.
Really ladies how are we gonna let something we can’t control break our self esteem.. If some self hating negro like the on in the clip can’t find the beauty in your skin then do you really need the attention of someone like that?
I think the real question is whether colorism exists. Clearly it does, so there’s no need to rehash all the supporting evidence. I don’t deny that many women can do more to enhance their looks and some people just aren’t considered attractive. It’s a slippery slope when we get too comfortable ignoring the experiences of others or drawing conclusions without enough information.
Here’s a question, is every black woman who complains of colorism, ugly or fat? Does every dark skinned woman look like Precious and have an attitude like “Shenanah.”
“Here’s a question, is every black woman who complains of colorism, ugly or fat? Does every dark skinned woman look like Precious and have an attitude like “Shenanah.”
No but the overwhelming majority I see who are complaining and are the loudest are not attractive black women.
80% of AA women are indeed OVERWEIGHT. That is a Fact.
I do believe that colorism issues exist – but I think it comes out of the fact that fine dark skin women are simply not shown rather than – I DON’T WANT NO DARK SKIN GIRL.
A brotha may say that – but has he ever been presented a fine dark skin girl. Some of these women act like Fine Dark skin women are an everyday occurrence – it’s not hence the “UR PRETTY FOR A DARK SKIN GIRL”
People are shocked – the EXPECT them to be ugly. Just because they Expect them to be ugly – does not equal that they find dark skin women ugly wholesale. When they are confronted with 1 – people quickly are like OH WOW.
It’s not so much – the dark skin woman who is fine gets disqualified – just because she’s dark when compared to light skin women.
Precious and Shenanah are extreme examples but many black women exhibit a considerable amount of traits from both.
A lot of black women are proud of that – up until it interferes with them getting a man. Then the denial comes in – OH THAT AIN’T ME IM NOT LIKE THAT – U CANT TYPE CAST ALL BLACK WOMEN.
Its like alldawg said – black women have an alliance – and they excuse a lot of things amongst themselves – UP UNTIL A MAN GETS INVOLVED AND HAS TO PICK.
Then they see how meaningless it is when it comes to mens choices.
No one is saying all – but TOO DAMN MANY
Blaming not being checked for on dark skin has become too much of a slogan when I see women filing these complaints with too many other things they have too many F’s on their report card.
Its cause I’m dark – BUT U FAT
Its cause I’m dark – BUT U A KNOWN HOE
Its cause I’m dark – BUT U GOT TRACTION ALOPECIA
Its cause I’m dark – (Sherri Shepard) But u were married to 2 black men! Y are u complaining about something that never even happened to u?
Its cause I’m dark – BUT UR ATTITUDE SUCKS
I mean its goes on and on.
A woman will have 1 black man say something to her negative – and that will get burned into her memory and she will run with that forever even though the 99% of other brothas she encounters that’s not the case.
What I have discovered is that black women like to bond over their problems.
If one girl says it’s cause I’m dark skin – all the rest want to jump up and chime in and have their TERRIBLE BLACK MAN STORY – just to not be left out of the conversation.
“Yea girl black men ain’t ish… even though I’ve never dated any, but I remember this one time – this black guy rolled his eyes at me – IT WAS CAUSE IM DARK SKIN!”
I dont’ think the problem is that dark skin women are UGLY.
I think it’s that – Dark skin women
1) are underrepresented in the media – especially the attractive ones.
2) many dark skin women do things to themselves aesthetically that are not beneficial to dark skinned women (various things) i.e. Blonde highlights – dumb stuff. Basically trying to be everything but a dark skin black women.
3) Weight
4) Wearing the “because I’m dark skin” scarlet letter excuse which is very visible when interacting with them on an interpersonal level.
Its like a man with a little D complex, or better than that – a short man complex.
I have numerous dark skin women I’ve been friends with in the past – and MAN IF U DON’T WANT TO DATE THEM – They take it HARD.
And being that I have and do date interracially because I don’t care – they always gotta compare themselves to the non-black chick that came into the picture way before they did. Or I could date 3 black women after her – if they are even 1 shade lighter – THEY’RE LIGHT SKIN – or the 3 black women after her will get ignored and let the 4th be a white girl – the other 3 black women might as well not existed.
Its tiring to deal with. And like I said – I am not the blackest man no the planet – NICK CANNON – but its amazing at how they try to charge me with self hate – but what has put me off to a lot of dark skin women is their inferiority complexes that they project onto me. That insecurity thing pushes me away. Its hard enough dealing with the REGULAR insecurities that ALL WOMEN HAVE IN GENERAL.
But u tag – Dark skin on top of Regular female insecurities, and OMG! It’s like everything is a color issue.
And the problem is no matter what u do – there is not enough MEDIA support to get them mentally where they need to be. They have to be raised to be resilient.
I’m not saying that some dark skin women don’t have some valid points – But it’s like that girl Mai Pai on you tube – She is not a looker – but
ITS ALL ABOUT HER DARK SKIN with that chick – I’m like – how about that acne – how about the weight, or the fact that ur hair doesn’t know whether it wants to be natural or straight – make up ur mind.
Then comes the little things of feminine beauty.
Yes – wear a little makeup – EYE LINER YES!
Bring ur eyes out a little.
How about some lip gloss?
AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE – PLUCK, WAX – OR AS I PREFER THREAD THOSE EYEBROWNS.
The Bert and Earnie Look is not gonna get u a black man – I don’t care WHAT ur complexion is.
Its the little things that count – but be warned – all these things can bring u up – about 2 points
But ur not gonna go from a 5 to a 10 – that’s not realistic. A short man can only do so much.
THIS IS WHERE PERSONALITY COMES IN – but u gotta attract them first in order to get them to see ur personality.
I see a lot of black women WHO HAVE GIVEN UP – and then blame it on some white standard that they can’t meet or justify it with WELL IF A BLACK MAN DOESN’T WANT ME AS I AM – THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM.
I mean some major copouts.
The worst Justification I ever heard was – Well I don’t need to look good for any black man because black men are socioeconomically at the bottom collectively as a group.
I say all this to say – that – YES colorism exist – NO DOUBT about that, but BECAUSE IM DARK SKIN – has become so sloganized that no one is listening because the black woman has become the GIRL WHO CRIED WOLF.
I mean when U got Sherri Shepard blaming it on dark skin! and married 2 black men so this is an experience that hasn’t even happened to her – THAT’S WHEN IM LIKE BLACK WOMEN NEED TO SHUT UP – this stuff has gone too far.
Huge women unrealistic as hell like that woman on Oparah – LIGHT SKIN BUT BIG!!! talkin about – I’m lookin for a 6 figga 6’5 brotha who loves JESUS!
WHAT!?
just these god aweful unrealistic expectations. I mean she sure as hell couldn’t blame it on her DARK SKIN.
See things like show me – WE HAVE A PROBLEM HERE. It would be one thing – if it was the SUPER BAD WOMEN SAYING – DON’T NO BODY WANT ME. But it’s always seems to be some chick with some type of F on her report card FILING THE LOUDEST COMPLAINT ABOUT IT BEING CAUSE SHE’S DARK.
I have to agree with you my brother. You raise many valid points AA women are fat/obese/overweight and that is not attractive among other things and yes we AA women have to take ownership of that.
I’m a dark skin male from Louisiana, where self-hate is rapid and the biracial Creole’s are more privileged than most AA. I’m living in the DC area now, I’m doing really well, debt-free, cars and home. In Louisiana and Texas most AA male desire light-skin women. Most dark AA female desire lighter AA male like the sister in the video.
I’m not the most attractive guy, I’d honestly rate myself a 6 or 7, a little above average, but I’ve always pulled 7 and 8s, recently a 9
in my opinion. In Louisiana I was never able to date a dark woman. Lighter women, dating mostly darker men. Not until I moved to Virginia did I discover my true desire for darker women. Not just dark, but confident with a warm bubbly personality. Sad to say, but a beautiful dark and “confident” with the right attitude woman is the rarest and most exotic of all women. That’s way she’s the most beautiful and valuable.
This “the world thinks all dark women are ugly” attitude makes dark women ugly. Sargewp is right, some black women are average and not that attractive. Too many AA women over-appraise themselves and are delusional. This is the worst way to be, you will never achieve the person and things you think you deserve if you over-appraise yourself. The market sets the value on everything. Black Men in this case set the value, we’re the main consumer of black women. You should listen to your core consumers more. If we say we don’t want fat women, don’t try to make us attractive to fat women.
The thing I’ve notice different about black women than any other women on earth is, if a white or asian woman is fat, she understands she’s not going to get a top-of-the-line male. So the fat white woman will lose wait or settle for a lower level male. Black women will not settle/ lose weight or conform to the way things are and have been. Black women attempt to change the way things are and have been. Trying to make fat attractive. It’s not going to happen.
Simply most black women that aren’t as attractive as they want to be and don’t want to except the fact that they’re not exceptionally beautiful and will never receive the perks that come along with being a beautiful, like a top stature male. This is the real reason why so many are single. This frustration causes bitterness and spitefulness which interns make ever less attractive. How often do you hear a AA female say “I’m not going to settle?”
“Not just dark, but confident with a warm bubbly personality. Sad to say, but a beautiful dark and “confident” with the right attitude woman is the rarest and most exotic of all women. That’s way she’s the most beautiful and valuable.”
TRUTH – and I don’t even know this brotha.
Not the word confident – what did I just say to Miss C.
I’m trying to tell u – the media has dark skin women feeling so beat up and battered – that by the time they get to use we don’t want them because they are an emotional train wreck.
Here comes the women with – WELL IF U TRUELY LOVED A BLACK WOMAN U’D GO THE EXTRA MILE AND BUILD HER UP.
Look this goes beyond just tellin a girls she’s pretty – many of these dark women are extremely emotional damaged with feelings of rejection that may have come from a number of places.
In my experience – Dark skin women take EVERYTHING even the slightest things as rejection and then sulk in the idea that its cause they’re dark and unattractive.
This is exactly why when a black women is with a white man even if BIRACIAL – dark skin women explode into a confetti parade – like World War 2 Just ended.
It’s bad – real talk – I don’t have the time nor energy to repair every woman I come across – I don’t even like to date women who had previously abusive boyfriends – they bring that complex to u. I’m not trying to get Steve McNaired. I don’t wanna throw dark skin black women away – I see one that’s attractive I’m on.
I personally Love CHESCALEIGH – MMMm mmm mmmmmm that’s a fine woman. I’m all over that – but LOOK AT HER PERSONALITY – its like she doesn’t have a care in the world – I like to be around that type of positivity – Not! the miserable demeanor that seems to come automatically with DARK SKIN. I’ve seen some beautiful dark skin women who get CONVINCED by the ugly dark skin girls – that some guy didn’t talk to her because she’s dark.
UH COULD IT BE BECAUSE HE’S INTIMIDATED – Why is it (as black women say) a man can be intimidated by uR MONEY – but Not How Fine U are.
There are some dimes out here – that YES I WILL HESITATE TO JUST RUN UP ON. Feeling like she’s way out my league.
No one can sit up here and talk about how Awe struck they are when Naomi first came out in her Prime – But if I come across a bad chick like that – or even a couple notches down – that I wouldn’t think twice before running up on it.
Funny thing is when these women don’t DRINK THE KOOL-AID.
They’re worse than ON POINT BLACK MEN.
They are like – I’M THE BADDEST DARK SKIN CHICK IN HERE. Like that chick that was in the Rafael sadiq vid – Rollin Stone – or Outcast Way u move. Oh those women know!
THEY KNOW – and THEY ARE NOT THE ONES COMPLAINING – WHY!
BECAUSE THEY ARE INDEED GETTING TONS OF ATTENTION.
HOW ABOUT FINDING THE TYPE OF WOMAN WHO HAS HER OWN ISN’T DEPENDENT OR NEEDY, WHO CAN RAISE YOUR CHILDREN TO BE PRODUCTIVE, LAW-ABIDING, CITIZENS, WHO CAN ALSO BE YOUR PARTNER IN LIFE, AND THE TYPE OF WOMAN WHO WILL HOLD YOUR HAND AND CARE FOR YOU WHEN YOUR SICK UNTIL GOD CALLS YOU HOME????
THAT’S THE WOMAN MY MOTHER IS AND I WITNESSED MY MOTHER AND FATHER LOVE ONE ANOTHER, RAISE CHILDREN, BUILD & MAINTAIN FINANCIAL SECURITY
WHO CARES WHAT THE COLOR OF THEIR SKIN IS-RATHER IT BE WHITE, PUERTO RICAN, OR BLACK
LOVE IS WHERE YOU FIND IT, SARGWEP OR WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS YOU SEEM ANGRY AND HELL BENT ON PROVING A POINT, FOR WHAT AND TO WHOM???? WHAT DO YOU STAND TO GAIN IN THE END, WHAT REVOLT ARE YOU LEADING, HOW MANY BLACK MEN ARE MARCHING BEHIND YOU-YOUR EFFORTS & ENERGY COULD BE USED FOR A GREATER CAUSE WITHIN THE BLACK COMMUNITY OR ANYWHERE FOR MORE THAN THIS SITE
GET OVER YOURSELF-YOUR VIEWS/OPINIONS ARE JUST THAT YOURS AND YOU ARE ENTITLED TO THEM
BUT PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE YOU ARE SOME EXPERT OR AS IF ALL BLACK MEN HAVE ELECTED YOU AS SOME SPOKESPERSON FOR THE ENTIRE BLACK RACE
I HAVE A SNEAKY SUSPICION THAT YOU ARE “SINGLE” SO WHAT’S YOUR EXCUSE-I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THAT A HAPPILY MARRIED MAN WOULD WASTE SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY ON A SUBJECT THAT HAS NO AFFECT ON HIM
AND SINGLE IS NOT LEGALLY MARRIED-CURIOUS WHAT’S YOUR STATUS
FIND A WORTHIER BATTLE TO FIGHT MY DEAR….
HOW ABOUT YADA, YADA, BLEEDAH, BLEEDAH
HOW ABOUT THE TYPE OF BLACK MAN YOU ARE, I HIGHLY DOUBT IF YOU ARE ANYTHING LIKE YOUR POSTS, THERE ARE MANY WOMAN OF ANY RACE CHECKING FOR YOU
YOU HAVE WAAAAAY TO MUCH YOU ARE TRYING TO PROVE HERE ANONYMOUSLY ON A WEB SITE WHICH IN MY OPINION SAY THAT IN PERSON YOU YOURSELF ARE PRETTY “UGLY”
SIMPLY PUT NOBODY GIVES A DAMN WHAT YOU THINK-LET US KNOW WHEN A REPUTABLE MEDIA OUTLET ASKS YOU TO SPEAK PUBLICLY ABOUT YOUR OPINION AND MAYBE THEN YOU’LL GARNER A SMIDGET OF THE ATTENTION YOU ARE SEEKING HERE
AND BY THE WAY I’M MARRIED TO A BLACK MAN WHO WORKS IN TRANSPORTATION WHO I AFFECTIONATELY REFER TO AS MY TEDDY BEAR, LOL
Sargewp does speak for a lot of black men. He’s quite popular on the web. I’ve seen his name in a few boards and forums I frequent. He brings up a lot valid points that most men highly agree with. Points that you have no way of disputing. Instead you’ve chose the route of personal attacks and worthless rants. You sound angry, that usually what happens when you disagree with someone and can’t combat what they’re saying with valid points.
The truth cuts deep, that’s why you’re upset.
What points do you disagree with?
Probably the same point that you validated in your first post; self hatred is rampant and black men are not immune. This point explains why men, as you admitted yourself, may prefer a lighter hue and women may attempt to alter their look to fit a European standard.
Btw, the subsequent points you made seem reasonable to me. I think women are bothered by Sarge’s comments because it sounds like more condemning and bashing. I, personally, am tired of the “let me school you black women” routine. Black folks have issues just like any other group. Ours are more pronounced, because we’ve had such a tumultuous history.
Serial posting on various sites does not an expert make.
ANGRY FAR FROM, JUST MY SIGNATURE CAPS
I’M MARRIED, BOTTOM LINE, AND I’VE SEEN OVERWEIGHT, DISABLED, BLIND, BLACK, WHITE, HISPANICS, ETC HAPPILY MARRIED SEVERAL YEARS
NOBODY REALLY CARES ABOUT SIMPLE ISH THAT JUST DOESN’T MATTER LIKE I POSTED BEFORE IS THE HUE OF YOUR SKIN OR YOU PERCEIVED BEUTY A DIRECT CORRELATION TO HOW YOU ARE ABLE TO MANAGE YOUR FINANCES, RAISE CHILDREN, OBTAIN & MAINTAIN A JOB, OR CARE FOR A SICK SPOUSE?!
MY POINT IS SIMPLY THIS THERE ARE MUCH BIGGER FISH TO FRY THAN THE HUE OF SKIN/BEAUTY IN RELATIONS TO OBTAINING A MATE
AND IN “MY OPINION” THERE IS NO DIRECT CORRELATION, IF SO THAT WOULD MEAN THAT ALL MARRIED COUPLES ARE “BEAUTIFUL”, THERE ARE NO HAPPILY MARRIED HEAVY SET BLACK WOMEN, BLIND PEOPLE ARE OBVIOUSLY NOT APART OF THIS SO CALLED CONCEPT
BLACK MEN/BLACK WOMEN WHO GO ON AND ON ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE NOT RELEVANT, THAT DON’T UPLIFT ONE ANOTHER, BUT TEAR ONE ANOTHER DOWN ARE SIMPLY IGNORANT AND NOT PRODUCTIVE, GET A LIFE AND STOP TRYING TO GARNER A FOLLOWING ON A BLOG
TRUTH BE TOLD SEEK PSYCHIATRIC HELP, THERE IS A SERIOUS UNDERLYING ISSUE THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYONE ELSE BUT SELF
BEAUTY DOES NOT EQUATE A LOVING PERSON, UGLY DOESN’T EQUATE AN UNLOVING PESON
BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER-WHAT “YOU” THINK OF YOURSELS IS AND SHOULD BE THE MOST VALUED OPINION
NOT SOME ANONYMOUS MAN ON A BLOG THAT YOU DON’T GO HOME TO, DOESN’T HELP TO PAY ANY OF YOUR BILLS, ISN’T RELATED TO YOU-DUH WHO CARES???????
AND I DON’T CARE IF YOU OR ANYONE ELSE “THINKS” THAT I AM ANGRY WHO CARES WHAT YOUR OPINION OF ME IS, THIS IS A BLOG AND I STATED MY OPINION & YOU ARE ENTITLED TO YOURS
AND IT SEEMS THAT SOME OF YOU ARE DELUSIONAL AND SO SELF-ABSORBED THAT YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT THE OPINIONS YOU HOLD ARE ONE’S WE SHOULD VALUE OR EVEN BE CONCERNED WITH-GET OVER YOURSELF
COULD IT BE THE ISSUE ISN’T THE HUE OF YOUR SKIN BUT MORESO, WHO IS MORE LIKELY TO EVEN LISTEN/ADHERE TO ANYTHING MEN LIKE YOU ARE SAYING, STRONG, INDEPENDENT THINKERS WHO CHALLENGE WILL ALWAYS BE TOLD THE GOOD OLE YOU TO STRONG OR YOU DON’T LISTEN OR YOU ARE ANGRY
WELL GUESS WHAT MY HUSBAND LIKES ME JUST THE WAY I AM, SO YOUR ARGUMENTS FALL ON DEAF EARS-GO MIND FU#K, SOMEONE WHO IS INSECURE AND SHALLOW ENOUGHT TO EVEN BOTHER TO LISTEN TO YOUR BS
AND THE BIGGEST ACCOMPLISHMENT IN A WOMAN’S LIFE IS NOT OBTAINING A HUSBAND, WHICH IS THE BIG “CARROT” YOU TWO SEEM TO WANT TO DANGLE -OUR PROSPECTS OF GETTING A HUSBAND IS SLIM, OBVIOUSLY BOTH OF YOURS ARE TWO, WHY ELSE WOULD YOU DEDICATE SO MUCH TIME & ENERGY ON A SUBJECT THAT DOESN’T PERTAIN TO YOU, IF YOU WERE BOTH HAPPILY MARRIED
PLEASE NOTE: THERE WERE SEVERAL TOPICS I COULD HAVE TOUCHED ON THAT I DECIDED NOT TO, BECAUSE UNLIKE SOME OF OUR BROTHERS, I AM MY BROTHER’S KEEPER SO I DON’T BASH MY OWN, I DON’T CARE WHO YOU CHOOSE TO SPEND YOUR LIFE WITH, IT’S YOUR PERSONAL CHOICE-DO YOU
BUT BOY OH BOY, YOUR ENERGY COULD BE USED IN YOUR COMMUNITIES, FIGHTING VIOLENCE, DRUGS, POVERTY, HOMELESNESS, FATHERLESS CHILDREN, SAGGING PANTS AND DIRTY UNDERWEAR, INCARCERATION, ETC., THE LIST GOES ON AND ON
LOL-PEACE MY BROTHERS, KEEP FIGHTING THE FIGHT OF FINDING A WOMAN WHO GIVES A DAMN ABOUT YOUR VIEWPOINTS ON HER SKIN COLOR AND OR BEING PRETTY ENOUGH TO MEET YOUR STANDARDS, EXACTLY WHAT MARTIN LUTHER KING, MALCOLM X, AND OBAMA, WOULD EXPECT FROM PRODUCTIVE, BLACK MEN LIKE YOURSELVES
BlackKingJoffaJr says:
June 8, 2011 at 9:48 PM
Sargewp does speak for a lot of black men. He’s quite popular on the web. I’ve seen his name in a few boards and forums I frequent. He brings up a lot valid points that most men highly agree with. Points that you have no way of disputing. Instead you’ve chose the route of personal attacks and worthless rants. You sound angry, that usually what happens when you disagree with someone and can’t combat what they’re saying with valid points.
The truth cuts deep, that’s why you’re upset.
What points do you disagree with?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
WHAT STATISTICS DO YOU HAVE TO BACK UP YOUR CLAIM
PEOPLE USE WORDS LIKE “MOST MEN” EXACTLY WHAT PERCENTAGE OF THE POPULATION???
YOU SAY A FEW BLOGS, WHICH CONTRADICTS THE MASS MAJORITY YOU TRY TO IMPLY THAT AGREES WITH HIM
LOL-ACTUALLY I FIND THIS HILARIOUS, MOST OF YOU DIDN’T HAVE A VOICE GROWING UP IN A HOUSEHOLD WITH STRONG BLACK WOMEN OR HAD A FATHER WHO WAS PROBABLY QUIET AND LAID BACK AND NOW YOU ARE SEEKING VENGEANCE ON THE SISTAS TO RESOLVE YOUR MOMMY/AUNTIE/SISTER ISSUES YOU EXPERIENCED AS A CHILD
LOL-WHAT YOU CAN’T STAND IS THAT I WONT ENTERTAIN YOUR ARGUMENTS SIMPLY BECAUSE I DISAGREE WITH THEM/I’M MARRIED, SO YOU CAN’T RANT AND RAVE ABOUT YOU ARE GOING TO BE SINGLE WITH THAT MINDSET/ATTITUDE-CAUSE I’M NOT SINGLE
AND I SIMPLY DON’T CARE TO EVEN DEBATE YOUR MADNESS, LOL-MARRY/DATE WHO YOU LIKE, NOBODY REALLY CARES, AND THAT’S THE TRUTH THAT REALLY HURTS
ALL OF YOU COME ON HERE TO GET VALIDATION ABOUT YOUR VIEWS, IF YOU WERE SO HAPPY DATING/MARRIED TO THE LIGHTER SKINNED/WHITE EDUCATED WOMEN YOU SPEAK OF WHY IS THIS TOPIC ANY OF YOUR CONCERN????? LOL!!!!
NOBODY SHOULD EVEN CONSIDER OR DATE AN UNKEPT, UNCLEAN, PERSON WITH POOR HYGIENE OF ANY RACE, DUH THAT’S THE BASIS OF YOUR ARGUMENT THE ONLY FLAW IS THAT THIS BEHAVIOR DOESN’T SOLEY APPLY TO JUST ONE RACE-DUH!!!!!
Whoa! You’re all over the place.
First off, I love and prefer darker women. What myself and Sargewp mentioned was a lot of not so attractive darker women like to blame their lack of desirability on their complexion. When a lot of times that’s not the cases, could it be their attitude, of weight ? There are a lot of beautiful dark sisters. I rarely see a beautiful dark sister complaining about not getting attention.
I think many unattractive darker women have convinced themselves and other darker women that their complexion isn’t desirable. And other myths like black men want black women to have hair like white women smh. Ya’ll screw each other up more than anything. Those insecurities alone will kept a decent man away. When we see and hear darker woman complaining about no one checking for them, subconsciously we making a mental note to steer clear.
Another thing is, when Black men try and talk reasonably to a lot of black women, we get accused of bashing and being chauvinist. That’s why a lot of us are starting to say fukk it. They aren’t going to listen or reason with us. A lot of you want things to be the way you think it should. And a lot of times ya’ll have the right idea, but that’s not how it is. There’s how it should be and REALITY.
Here’s the real fact, you’re not going to like it, but here it is. The market sets the value of all things. A well off Black men is in high demand in the dating market. The Black woman is not in demand as much, due the stereotypes (some true, some not so true), weight issues, attitude and kids out of wedlock. There aren’t enough decent Black men to supply the demand, especially with a lot of us dating outside our race. You can either drop your standards to your true market value or face being ALONE.
It has gotten to the point where you can’t tell a “Strong Black Women” anything. You can’t shame her, you can’t put her in check. When all people need to be put in check some times. You can’t tell them stop letting bums and thugs ejaculate inside of you. You should lose your attitude and wieght, it’ll make you more desirable. No one is saying this to Black Women. You can’t. Ya’ll don’t even put each other in check.
Black women need to take responsibility for some of their problems. Black woman gets pregnant by a bum, it’s the bums fault.
Black man gets a bum chick pregnant. Black man say “dam, I screwed up bad.”
His friends and family tell ask him “what the hell you were you thinking dummy.”
SWP and JOFFAJR-
You two have made some valid points about health,weight,etc.
Heres the thing-You reference Kenya Moore and Kelly rowland-two beautiful women(DARKSKIN WOMEN).Both of these ladies have done interviews where they talk about feeling overlooked by black men and they felt ,yes it was because they were darkskin.
You also reference alot of black women being overweight-well alot(alot) of black men are also overweight.I see them everyday.Doesnt excuse it.just reality.
You also mention Black women dont have alot of options to date out.HMMMMMM!!!!From MY experience when I work or mingle in a nonblack environment well yes I do a alot of opportunities to date or mate out.If you are a cute Black chic(you dont have to be drop dead gorgeous) and you work or mingle with “others”then they will ask you out.The thing is alot of Black women do only “black things”mingle with mostly black people etc.They also alot of them have the unfortunate habit of saying things like”Nothing but a black man”.DUH!that tends to put people off. I have been told by Hispanic White and Asian dudes that Black women do discriminate-(wont go out with them).So if more Black women do not seem to have more options they themselves(Black women)play a huge role in this.
Lastly, yes. For alot of people Including a lot of Black men if you are not BLACK -IT is a step up.A PLUS. A lot of faults Black women are penalized for is excused for a non Black woman even by(especially by?) a Black man. I see this everyday.
So while some of your points are valid THEY are not the whole story by a long shot.